Face the Unknown
by jeez claudine
Summary: CHAP 9 FINALLY UP! Love. Loss. Heartache. Yearning. Vulnerability. Confusion. Frustration. Wonder. What other tribulations does Susannah Simon have to endure? And can she ever be happy again after everything?
1. Hallucination

**Disclaimer**: Meg Cabot owns mostly everything.

New story! I don't know where I got the inspiration from but I was just out for recess trying to bear with the cold and the snow, and I guess the snow that was coming down at me gave me this idea. I'm not going to be giving any more hints about the pairings. It could either be Paul with Suze, Jesse with Suze, or somebody else with Suze, and last, just Suze. This is after Twilight, by the way.

* * *

"Who are you?" I whispered. "Why are you always here?" 

"Because I care for you," the voice answered.

"You care for me? You don't even know me!"

"Suze, Suze, Suze, what am I going to do with you?" the voice gave a laugh. "I know a heck lot more about you more than you think."

"Suze? Who the hell is Suze?" I asked.

"You are, Suze." the voice stopped for a minute, then said, "Well, actually, your real name is Susannah Simon."

"Susannah Simon?" I repeated. "NO. That can't be! My real name is Amanda Smith! People call me Amy."

"No, your real name is Suze or Susannah. Which ever you prefer, okay?"

"And why should I believe you?" I said. "I don't even know you. You've always been here ever since I got admitted t-to," I looked around. "-to this place. You're always saying things in my head and I've never even seen you! Not even once."

"Come on, Suze…"

"My name is Amy!"

"Okay, _Amy_, you know me…we are best friends."

"Best friend? No, my best friend is Lucy!"

"Lucy?" the voice gave another harsh laugh. "You think that your best friend is Lucy? She's just a nurse here in Carmel Hospital. You think she's your best friend because she was here the first time you got admitted. And no, you have other best friends. Remember CeeCee, Gina, Adam, and Je-"

"Who was the last one?"

"It's nobody."

"Who are you?"

"Your friend"

"Why are you talking to me?"

"Because I know you…"

"I don't know you, though." I sighed. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, sure"

"Why am I seeing gray people around this place? I mean, what's that all about? Because Lucy's not grey, nor is the doctor who comes in my room to check up on me."

"I can not tell you that, you have to figure it out all by yourself."

"Okay, then. So, why do you talk to me again?"

"WHY! You're asking me WHY? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SUZE!" it said, angrily.

"You lo-love me?" I stuttered.

"Yes, I do! But you didn't love me back! You loved someone else and here I am trying to help you cope, because I do not want you to be alone!"

"But I am, alone, I mean. I don't know anyone. And I'm sure that no one loves, also, I doubt anyone misses me at all."

"You are so wrong, Suze…" it said soothingly, and then shouted, "You are wrong! VERY WRONG YOU FOOL."

The voice seems so familiar but I just can't place it. I feel as if I've heard it somewhere before. I do know though that it is a male voice. At times, it would be really sweet but most of the time, it'd just say harsh things, shouting at me…

"My name is Amanda Smith!" I hissed. "Not Suze or Susannah Simon. Got it?"

"Look Suze, or Amy," the voice said, realizing his mistake. "I can't come often anymore. I'm sorry for what I did to you, it's my fault…I shouldn't have…"

"What did you to me?"

"Nothing, Suze, just forget it alright!"

"…what happened? Tell me, please."

"NOTHING!" he shouted.

I cried.

"I'm sorry, good bye Suze, Amy…whatever."

"NO!" I shouted. "You said you'd never leave me! I thought you loved me! You said you were always going to be there for me! You lied to me…why?"

He lied to me…I repeated the same four words over and over again and cried myself to sleep. I know I'd never hear from him again. Though it's rude most of the time, his voice was the only one who was keen enough to know me, besides Lucy.

"_Suze," Paul yelled. "Shift! Do it now! It's your only chance!"_

_Jesse had turned and was kicking at the planks that made up the closest wall. The boards shuddered under the assault._

_Shift? My mind seemed to be working only murkily, maybe due to all the smoke. But it didn't seem like I could shift just then. What about Jesse? I couldn't leave Jesse. I hadn't gone to all this trouble to save him from Diego just to have him die in a barn fire._

"_Suze," Paul yelled once more. "Shift! I'm doing it too. I'll meet you on the other side!"_

_Other side? What was he talking about? Was he insane? _

_Oh, right, He was Paul. Of course he was insane._

_I heard a crash. Then Jesse was taking my hand._

"_We're going to have to jump," he said, his face very close to mine._

_I felt something cool lick my face. Air. Fresh air. I turned my head and saw that Jesse had kicked out enough boards in the barn wall for a person to squeeze through._

"_Do you understand me Susannah?" Jesse's face was very close to mine. Close enough to kiss me. Why didn't he kiss me? "We'll jump together, on the count of three."_

_I felt him reach out and grab me by the waist, bringing me close to him._

"_One…"_

_I could feel his heart drumming hard against mine. Only how was that possible? Jesse's heart had stopped beating 150 years ago._

"_Two…"_

_Hot flames were licking my heels. It was very warm._

"_Three…"_

_And then we were flying through the air. Not because he was kissing me, I realized. No, because we were flying through the air._

_And as if the fresh cool wind had cleared the smoke from my brain, I realized what was happening. Jesse and I were falling towards the ground, which looked so far away._

_And so I did the only thing I could. I clung to him for my dear life, closed my eyes, and thought of home. I shifted._

I woke up in cold sweat in the middle of the night. My heart beating rapidly fast. What was that dream all about? Who were those men? And what's shifting? I do know for a fact that in that dream, a man called me Suze, telling me to shift and the other man calling me Susannah, saying that we'd have to jump. The girl looked very much like me, but no…my name is Amanda, not Suze or Susannah. Just like what the voice told me, that my name is Susannah or Suze, I mean. I called the two men Paul and Jesse. All I saw were blank faces but it seemed as if I knew them, like really knew them. And Jesse…who was he? I felt so safe with him while with Paul, I felt so scared.

"Amanda, wake up, darling." A female voice pleaded. "Amy, get up now, I have a special surprise for you…." Someone was shaking me.

I got up and looked around. I can see the sun shining through my window. "What time is it?"

"11:30, in the morning." Lucy answered.

"Is it really that early?" I sighed. "What day is it today?"

"Friday, June the 3rd."

"Okay…can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure, go ahead. What is it?"

"How long have I been here?" I asked. "In this hospital, I mean."

She stopped fussing around the room and turned to face me. "Do you really want to know?" she asked.

I nodded.

She sighed, a big one, actually. "6 months."

"I've been here for six months…?"

"Yes, Amy. Now get up and go take a shower."

I wasn't listening. I stayed frozen at the foot of my bed. All I could think about was why I've been in this place for so long and why no one came to get me. "Why? What happened to me?"

She suddenly turned pale. It didn't seem like a good idea any more since it might be some bad news. "Do you really want to know?"

I nodded and managed to swallow the lump in my throat.

She was about to say something. I swear it, but then the phone in my room started ringing. Couldn't have been more a bad timing…

"Hello?" Lucy said into the phone.

"Uh-huh. Okay, it is!" Her eyes wide open. "That's awesome! Okay, I'll tell her the good news. How old is she going to be?"

She just kept on nodding her head, I'm not sure if she and the speaker are talking about me.

"They are? Okay then, I'll get her ready and we'll be out in an hour or so. Bye."

She put the phone back to its cradle.

"What was that all about?" I asked her, with one of my eyebrows up.

"Nothing, I told you before that it is a surprise. Now go on take a shower and get ready. I'll be out her waiting, we need to make you look all pretty and stuff."

"Why?"

"Go on," she waved her arms frantically to the door leading to my bathroom. "C'mon, Amy, JUST GO. You'll see."

"Fine," I shrugged and headed to the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror and studied my face. I have emerald-green eyes which look like a murky color. I have pretty good skin and a fair complexion. I'm not going to say I'm beautiful but I'm not hideous either. You can say that I'm just your average American teenage girl, I guess. Well, a little bit more than average. Also, I have layered hair which goes down to the small of my back. I sighed; thinking about the surprise is really ticking me off. I undressed and got in the shower. While I was shampooing my hair, a voice said, "Suze…" I turned around but no one was there.

"It's you again. And my name's not Suze, its Amy." I said. "Now leave me alone."

"I don't think so." the voice exclaimed. "I kind of like the view from here."

"Ew. You pervert! GO AWAY!"

"Fine, Suze, or Amy. Be like that. Bye Bye. And remember, I still love you."

And he was gone. I just stood there, hot water pouring down on me. Whoever he is, he loves me.

Enough Amy, you don't even know him. Don't think just because he said he loves you means that you have to like him. 10 minutes later, I rinsed and got out of the shower.

&&

"Lucy, do I really have to wear this?" I said. I was looking at my reflection in the full-length mirror Lucy brought down to my room while I was taking a shower. The dress I'm currently wearing is pretty but I don't know. It just seemed too fancy for my liking, even though it is only a black halter dress which hung just right below my knees.

"Are you kidding? You love that dress! And it's yours too did you know that? Oh yeah, here's the shoes you're going to be wearing and it's also yours." She said and handed me a pair of black strappy sandals, which looked too sexy.

"Where are we going anyway?" I asked while putting on the strappy sandals which I'm currently having difficulties with.

"You'll see, it's a very nice surprise," Lucy replied. "Here let me help you with that." She helped me put on the sandals. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror again.

"My hair's such a mess and it's still wet…" I complained.

"Not when I'm done with you," she said. "Now, sit your butt down on this chair and just wait." Lucy dragged me down to the chair, my back to the mirror.

Thirty minutes later she was done. "Now, look at you. I did such a good job." Lucy finished. "Go look at my wonderful work yourself." She turned my chair around so it was facing the mirror again.

What I saw surprised me. I actually looked…good. Better than what I've looked like for months, I didn't even recognize myself at first. My hair was blown out and my make-up was done in brown hued colors that don't clash with my pale skin.

"I look good." I turned to face Lucy. "Thank you so much!"

"Now now, we need to get going, or we're going to be late. We wouldn't want to keep those people waiting." With that, she walked out the door.

"Fine…" I grumbled, following after her.

We got to her car and she started the ignition. "So, are you excited?" she asked.

"How can I be when I don't even know where we're going?"

"Just sit back and relax." She drove off, and I did, sit back and relax, I mean.

We were driving along a strangely familiar place but I just couldn't quite place exactly where I've seen it. "Where are we heading?" I asked.

"The Pebble Beach Hotel and Golf Resort," Lucy answered.

"_I've been meaning to ask you about Jack. He tells me that you told him he's a medium." Paul said to me while we were in the hotel's parking lot._

"_Mediator," I corrected._

"_Whatever," he said. "I guess you must think making fun of someone who has a mental disorder is pretty amusing, huh Suze?"_

"_I do not think your brother has a mental disorder," I said defensively._

"_Oh, don't you?" Paul looked all knowing. "He tells you he's seeing dead people and you think he's playing with full deck?"_

_I shook my head. "Jack might be able to see dead people, Paul. You don't know. I mean, you can't prove he can't see dead people."_

_Oh, brilliant argument, Suze._

"_Suze," Paul said, looking at me all searchingly. He snorted. "Please. Dead people? You really believe that? You really believe that my brother, Jack, can see –can speak- to the dead?_

"_I've heard of weirder things." I said._

"_Yeah, well, you shouldn't be encouraging him," Paul said. "It's probably the worst thing you can do, according to the doctors."_

"_Yeah?" I was getting kind of pissed off now. I mean, what did Paul Slater know about anything anyway? Just because his father is a brain surgeon and can afford a week to the Pebble Beach Hotel and Golf Resort doesn't make him right all the time. "Well, Jack seems pretty fine to me. You might even learn a thing or two from him, Paul. At least, he has an open mind."_

_Paul just shook his head in disbelief. "What are you saying, Suze? That you believe in ghost?"_

"_Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I do. What about you, Paul? Do you believe in ghost?"_

_His curled upper lip was all the reply I needed._

"Amy, aren't you coming out?" Next thing I knew, we were parked in the same parking lot I just saw. That was freaky. And why is 'Paul' calling me Suze? And his brother can see dead people? I must have a screw loose or something. I mean, who believes in ghost? And why in the hell am I telling a blank faced guy whose name is Paul, by the way, that I believe in dead people, or worst, GHOST.

"Amy?"

"Yeah?"

"Get out, we're here."

Sure enough, we are. The same one I just saw in what may be some kind of flash back or something, or déjà vu of some sort. I got out of the car and looked around. "So, where are we heading next?"

"We're heading to the reception hall, where they're celebrating a party."

"Who's party?"

"You'll see," She said and grinned.

We went inside the building and she asked the man handling the desk where the room reserved under the name 'Susannah Simon' is. Susannah Simon…isn't that what the voice told me my name was? And what Jesse called me? This is just getting weirder and weirder.

The man led us to the hallway and up to a huge door. "Here it is, enjoy, Miss Simon." He said to me.

Wait, did he just call me? No…I must be hallucinating.

Lucy rang a weird shaped doorbell and opened the door.

"Surprise!" Everyone in the room shouted. "Happy 18th birthday, Suze!"

Suze? Why the hell do these people think my name's Suze? All I could say was, "Who is Suze? I'm not Suze. My name's Amanda, Amanda Smith, or Amy, whichever you prefer." Of course, I said that in a polite manner.

* * *

Care to review and tell me if I should continue?  



	2. Staying Strong

**Disclaimer: **The Mediator Series belongs to Meg Cabot; therefore, I do not own them.

A/N: The song/lyric that is featured in this chapter is Speechless by the Veronicas.

* * *

I'm hearing faint whispers around the room. While I stood there, staring into oblivion. After I told them that my name was Amanda Smith, everything just…froze. 

Lucy went to talk to a middle-aged woman, who looks peculiarly like me, but that's just impossible, unless she's my mother.

The woman just nodded her head, tears filling her eyes, and the man with her had his arms around her. Three male teenagers, who must be their sons, stood beside them looking at me and back to their parents, back and forth.

After a couple of minutes of shaking and nodding heads, Lucy left the 'odd' family and walked towards me, "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Uh-huh," I replied. "Who are those people?"

She smiled, "Wanna go and meet them? I know they want to meet you."

"They do?"

She nodded.

I sighed, "Okay, then."

For some reason, I'm actually excited to meet them. I mean, I do know for sure that they're the ones who threw this party for Susannah Simon, or in this case, Suze, who people think that she's me, which is pretty damn crazy. I mean, can't people get it in their heads that my name is Amanda? Do I even have to spell it out for them? A-M-A-N-D-A.

Seconds later, I'm standing right in front of the family, rather nervous. "Hi, I'm Amanda," I said, awkwardly holding out my hand, "Smith."

The teary-eyed mother shook it and pulled me in to a hug. "Oh, baby! I've missed you so much!"

Excuse me? "Um, not to be rude or anything, but err, who are you?"

She burst in to tears. Now I know you know that I'm not that kind of person who makes a person cry. I feel bad for asking that question. Was it the kind of tone I used that made her cry?

"Excuse us for a minute, will you?" Lucy asked. The man nodded.

"Suze, I have something to tell you," Lucy said once they were out of earshot.

"I'd really love to have an explanation right now, you know." I told her, "because this is kind of uncomfortable."

She took a deep breath, "That woman there, who you unintentionally made her cry, is your-, um how can I say this without freaking you out…" she was deep in thought I could tell by the way she was rubbing her thumb across her forehead.

"Just tell me already, Luce,"

"She's your," she sighed, "she's your m-mother."

I gaped at her. I mean, what can I say? 'Golly gee, that was my mother? SPLENDID, let's go shopping and maybe we could, like, you know, catch up on like, the six months we've been apart!' Thought so, that is why I tried calming my self for a moment and went for the plunge.

"And I'm guessing that man over there is my father?"

"Well, uh," she looked at the man, and he nodded, "yeah, of course he is!"

"And those three boys over there are my brothers?"

She nodded.

"Do I really have to meet them? They ditched me for six months and left me to that….place, that place for six months! What do they expect from me? Give them a big welcoming hug and say, 'Glad you're back mom!' and pretend that nothing's wrong?" I hissed.

"No, but just give them a chance, Suze. The hospital was strict at the time you were admitted. They wouldn't let anyone to visit you, not even your family. I protested, but they threatened to fire me, and I couldn't let that happen because I have to help my family and-"

"Look, Lucy, it's okay, I understand. I'll go meet them," I told her and started walking towards them.

Just as I was strolling towards them, I see a guy in the corner with his eyes on me, as if he's been watching me all along, ever since I entered the room. He looked familiar; he looked like the guy who kept on calling me Susannah in my dream. I walked towards him instead, and he had this daze look on his face when he saw me coming. I knew once I got close enough that it was him, the guy that was named Jesse in my dream. But how could that be possible? I don't even remember meeting him, I mean, this is practically the first time I've been out so I haven't exactly gotten the chance to see the world.

Wait, there _was_ that one time when one of the interns visited me and took me to the park, we had a pretty good time, but I just can't seem to remember what he looked like. He did look very much like this guy, more likely a god.

I stopped halfway, and decided it was best not to talk to him. I mean, I don't even know who he is. So, going to your 'parents' or family in this case, is a much better idea.

I started tensely walking towards my 'family'.

Once I was right in front of them, with the three sons' eyes on me, I said, "Uh…mom?"

"Su-Amanda?" she said. She was about to call me by _that_ name, I know it.

"Yes," I answered, "So, um, you're my mom?" She nodded. "May I ask what your name is?"

"Helen Ac-_Smith_," she said.

"Okay…and who are these other people?" I asked, gesturing to the man beside her and the other 3 boys. I'm making sure that what Lucy told me is the real thing. I know that she doesn't lie, I mean, she's been my friend and I trust her, albeit I've only known her for six months, but I need verification.

"This is your father, Andy. Your brothers, Jake, Brad and David," she said, pointing to each of them, one by one.

"Um, hi dad," I said to my 'father'.

"How you doing, kiddo?" he said.

"Fine," I said. "Err, can I ask when I'm getting out of the hospital?"

"Oh yes! That was the other surprise, yes, well; Lucy told us earlier that you're progressing, so you don't have to stay there anymore. You can stay in our house now. Your room still looks the same as it was a…few months back," my mother replied.

"Okay then,"

"Excuse me," a slightly accented male voice said behind me, "but may I have this dance?"

I turned around and the same guy I wanted to talk to in the corner was right in front of me.

"Huh?" it just came out of my mouth, don't blame me if I'm such a ditz.

"I asked you if you would like to dance with me," he said again.

"I would but," I said, "I don't even know you."

"My name is Je-Jeffrey, Jeffrey Del Maestro,"

"I'm Amanda Smith, but please call me Amy."

"I don't think so, I prefer Amanda."

"Look bud, I'm not here to play games, so are you going to ask me to dance since we're already acquainted?"

The crisp-dark-haired-really-hot-well-built guy blinked down at me. Once. Twice. I'm here, you dufus! Hey, just because he's like 6 feet and something inches don't mean that he can look down at me. I mean, I'm 5'6, and I'm very comfortable with my height. I'm tougher than I look, people should know that. Homie here, doesn't know me like that.

"Sure, Sus-Amanda, would you like to dance?" he asked.

"I'd love to,"

"Mom, is it okay if I leave for a short time?"

She nodded, but she looked happier.

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Ackerman," Jeffrey greeted.

Both my parents suddenly turned worried, "Uh, Ackerman?" I asked.

"Don't worry honey, its just Jeffrey's ol' lil' nickname for us," mom said treacherously.

Jeffrey's eyes kind of widened for a minute, "O yes, Amanda, you see, your parents were very kind to me when I got kicked out of my home. They took me in, so I started calling them the Ackerman's, because that's what they call nice families back in my home…town."

"Jeffrey's right, go on now, you two dance. We'll still be here," my father said.

"Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Ackerman, or _Smith_." Jeffrey said, nodding gratefully.

I'm really starting to like this guy, I am. Not only is he charming, but nice to parents too!

He led me to the center of the dance floor and just swayed to the music.

_Feels like I have always known you  
And I swear I dreamt about you  
All those endless nights I was alone  
It's like I've spent forever searching  
Now I know that it was worth it  
With you it feels like I am finally home_

I looked up at him and gazed into his eyes. He's looking right back at me, at my eyes, actually, as if he's searching for something. It's him. The guy I dreamt about. The one I felt safe with. And I do, feel safe with him, I mean. I think he actually cares about me, even though we just met not five seconds ago.

_Falling head over heels  
Thought I knew how it feels  
But with you it's like the first day of my life_

I felt so alive being there with him. It felt as if my sensations is starting to wake up and is taking in the world around me for the first time.

_Cause you leave me speechless  
When you talk to me  
You leave me breathless  
The way you look at me  
You manage to disarm me  
My soul is shining through  
Can't help but surrender  
My everything to you  
_

Looking at those deep brown eyes, it seemed as if he's seen the world for a long time. There was a certain thing that's missing in his eyes…it was love. But, how could not anyone love him back? I'm sure at least one person, or a woman, does, or did.

_I thought I could resist you  
I thought that I was strong  
Somehow you were different from what I've known  
I didn't see you coming  
You took me by surprise and  
You stole my heart before I could say no_

It feels like that time in the park again, when I spent a day with this guy I liked. I couldn't stop thinking about him then, but a few weeks later, I knew he wasn't coming back.

_Falling head over heels  
Thought I knew how it feels  
But with you it's like the first day of my life_

_You leave me speechless  
When you talk to me  
You leave me breathless  
The way you look at me  
You manage to disarm me  
My soul is shining through  
I can't help but surrender  
Oh no  
My everything to you_

He caressed my cheek. I winced at his touch. It was gentle, not forceful or rough. I liked being with him, albeit it's only dancing. But being in his arms, feels right.

"You're looking radiant today, Amanda," he said. I blushed at his compliment.

"Why thank you, Mr. Del Maestro, you're not looking so bad yourself." I managed to squeak.

_You leave me speechless  
(the way you smile, the way you touch my face)  
You leave me breathless  
(it's something that you do I can't explain)  
I run a million miles just to hear you say my name  
Baby  
_

I rested my head on his shoulder and just listened to his heartbeat. I'm in love with him. Is this what love feels like? Feeling that you can sacrifice yourself to that person and willing to give anything for him/her to be happy?

_  
You leave me speechless  
You leave me breathless  
The way you look at me  
You manage to disarm me  
My soul is shining through  
I can't help but surrender  
My everything to you_

The song has ended and he didn't let go, not just yet. We stayed on the same spot until the dj said, "Everybody boogey down, y'all!" Which completely ruined the moment.

"Until next time, Susannah, _mi querida_," he whispered in my ear and slowly walked away.

"Goodbye, Jesse," I whispered back. I don't know what made me say it but that was his name in my dream and I thought it was…well, okay. And he called me Susannah; it's not even my name!

He stopped. He turned around to face me. "What was that Amanda?" Oh now he gets my name right. Pft, guys.

"Nothing,"

"No, what did you call me?" he said.

"I called you uh," I said, "I called you Jesse."

His eyes lit up for a moment. "Is there any reason why you called me Jesse instead of my name?"

"No reason,"

His eyes turned back to the same hollow look.

Silence.

"…Okay then, goodbye que-Amanda, Happy 18th birthday," he said. He handed me a velvet box. I opened it. There was a diamond ring inside it. It was beautiful. It had _mi querida_ engraved on it.

"B-but, Jeffrey, this is so nice and beautiful," I told him. "Why are you giving this to me?"

"Just because," he answered, walking away.

"Thank you…" I whispered, but he didn't get to hear me say it, because he was gone.

Great. I probably won't even see him again! Just great Amy, you didn't even get his digits! Oh yeah, and you didn't even get to ask him what _querida_ meant! I am such an idiot!

He gave you a ring and all you could think about was not getting his phone number. Run after him!

"Mom, I'll be back, I just have something to do," I told her. I placed the ring in my purse and ran as fast as I could, in the heels I'm wearing, out of the reception hall and out to the parking lot.

I looked around the parking lot, panting. I may be slim, but I'm still out of shape. All I could see were cars parked.

I see a male figure striding towards an SUV. I took a closer look and it was Jeffrey. He was getting the keys to his car. I yelled his name, "Jeffrey!" but he didn't hear me.

I ran and ran, not caring that my limbs are hurting. I'm so close, he's about to open the door.

I stopped. "Jeffrey!" I yelled again. This time he heard me. He looked around. He found me. I was standing right in the middle of the parking lot. Then, something hit me at the side. It hurt, a lot. I couldn't breathe. It was painful. I tried to gasp for breath, but I couldn't. I tumbled down the parking lot. Bleeding. I looked around, it was a car. It was a car that hit me. I looked at Jeffrey once more; he was running towards me, calling me Susannah.

He was sitting by me, cradling me in his arms. He was whispering something in my ears. It was very soothing. "I love you, Susannah," I heard him whisper, and the darkness surrounded me. Leaving me unconscious and very still in his arms. _Am I dead?_

&&

"Omigod is she okay?" a woman voice said, shakily.

"We don't know,"

What are those noises? They sound like sirens. It's so loud.

Next thing I knew, I was floating. And I feel something soft against my back. Everything hurt. I slowly opened my eyes. I see people watching me.

"Suze!" a girl shrieked, she looked like a ghost. But she's not, her hair was white blonde, her skin so white, she had violet/purple eyes. "She's awake!"

_Suze?_ I thought. Who's Suze?

I looked around. The sun was still shining brightly. Where am I? I look at the car that was a few feet away from me. There was a big dent at the front of the car. I looked around once more and took in my surroundings. I tried to remember what happened, but I just can't remember anything.

A man in white asked me, "Can you tell me what your name is?"

I opened my mouth to say it, but closed it again. I opened it and closed it again. I don't know what my name is nor do I know who these people are. "I-I don't k-know. I can't seem to remember anything."

Everyone around me gasped.

A middle-aged woman stepped up from the crowd and told the man, "Her name is Susannah Simon."

The man nodded, "I'm guessing you're her mother?"

"Y-yes, I am."

My mother? But how come I can't remember her? I looked at the man who was there, staring at me. He was handsome, indeed. But he was looking at me very intently.

"Susannah?" he whispered.

I nodded in response, because my 'mother' said that it's my name. "Who are you?" I asked him.

"Jes-" he started to say.

The man in white, who I assume to be the doctor, cut him off.

"Sorry everyone, but we have to take her to the hospital. You could visit her there," the doctor said.

"Can I come with her in the ambulance?" my mother asked.

"Well…"

"Please, I need to be with my daughter!" she said.

"B-but…" the doctor looked around for back up. I don't think that he wants to let my mom come with me.

"Please, I'm begging you," she screamed. "I'm her mother for Pete's sake! Surely one person could ride with her!"

"Please, doctor, let her come, I need her," I whispered softly. I used almost all of my strength left in me to say those eight words.

"Okay, okay,"

They started carrying me. "Oh, Susie, stay strong. Please, I'm begging you."

"I will mom, I will." And then, I blacked out. The last thing I heard was a male voice shouting, "Susannah!"

* * *

Thanks for the reviews! And that is why I wrote this chapter for you all because you guys said that I should continue. The reviews were nice, and it encouraged me to make this longer. I was thinking of stopping it right where Suze got hit by the car, but then I thought, no, they wouldn't want a cliffy, now would they? 

See how nice I am? Hehe.

So, review, please!

with love, Claudine


	3. Meet the Past, Present, and Future

**Disclaimer: **The Mediator Series belongs to Meg Cabot; therefore, I do not own them.

Note: I can't seem to break through the barrier of chapter 15 of For All Eternity. I've got it all planned out, I just don't know how to put it in words. So I'll be updating this until I do.

* * *

My body was throbbing in pain. I couldn't see anything. Everything was white. All white. God, can't they pick another shade? Like…er, black or somewhere along those lines? 

"_Amanda," a masculine voice said._

"_Um, who?"_

"_You,"_

"_Um, me?"_

"_You're Amanda, remember? You told me,"_

_Amanda? Who does this voice think he is? At least I _think_ it's a he._

"_I don't know you…" I said. "My name is Susannah Simon."_

"_B-but" he stuttered. "H-how? Do you know who your parents are?"_

"_Well, I've only seen my mom. She told me that my name's Susannah Simon."_

"_Oh."_

"_Yeah, hey, do I know you?"_

_He didn't answer my question._

"_Bye, then, Suze," he said. "I'll see you soon, and again, I'm sorry."_

_Sorry? About what?_

**BEEP BEEP BEEP!**

Bloody hell, what is that horrid beeping noise!

"Oh, Susie! Please wake up!" a sobbing feminine voice said. Oh god, what the hell is happening? I can't see! I'm BLIND!

I tried to open my eyes but was unsuccessful.

Please God, let me see. Now, I'm not usually the one to ask the almighty God for help, but in situations like this, you just do.

One more try. I opened my eyes, and everything was blurry. Like little blobs, moving.

"Doctor, doctor! She's awake! My Susie's awake!" the woman shouted. I assumed that she was my mother.

"Hi, mom," I said, weakly.

"Susie, are you alright, honey?"

I nodded, "What happened?"

"Car accident, you lost your mem-" she stopped talking and pursed her lips. "Just get some rest, okay?"

I didn't get it. What did I lose? I mean, I know this lady is my mom and my name is Susannah Simon, but that's just it. Oh yeah, now I remember, I got hit by a car.

My head started to hurt. "Mom?" She looked up. "Can you tell me more about my life and myself? Because I can't seem to remember anything."

"Sure, honey," she said, weakly.

So she told me, well, the basics, anyway. Apparently, we both were from New York, I was born and raised there, and moved here, in California, two years ago. I'm eighteen as of today. I got hit by a car on my birthday, I know, don't remind me. But what made me upset the most was when she said that my dad died when I was six years old. I started to cry. I couldn't help it. My dad died when I was SIX, okay? I was probably only in SK back then. What was I supposed to do? Just smile and nod and tell her to go on? I'm not callous, you know.

"Anything else you want to tell me?" I asked after crying with her for about ten minutes.

"Well, back in New York, you used to get in trouble…a lot," she said. "-and sometimes, where the police are involved."

I winced. "Was I really that bad?"

"Not really. There were some funny moments but other than your 'troubles', life treated us both good, you were just a handful, 'tis all." She said, stroking my hair.

I smiled. "Mom, how long do I have to stay here?"

She heaved a sigh, "Probably for about 3-4 weeks."

"I guess I can handle that," I replied.

My mom smiled, "That's my girl!" And I smiled back again. The doctor never even came in. Psh, the service is crap. Kidding, at least they're taking care of me right?

_3 weeks later_

"So, Suze, excited about coming home?" my mom asked, while packing my belongings.

I've only been in the hospital for 3 weeks when the doctor yesterday announced that I could finally go home. Also, when they, the doctors, I mean, looked at my x-ray, they were confused. They said that the kind of car accident I got into should've killed me but all I received was a broken arm, which was healing quite progressively, and a big bruise on my hip.

"How can I be when I have to start school next week?" I asked, not answering her question.

Oh yeah, did I tell you that I have to start school in a week? I guess not. The first day of school is next week! My mom has filled me in about everything, well, not much about New York, but about Carmel. She said that I'm a senior now, last grade of high school, I have 3 brothers, one is two years older than me, Jake, who's in college, the second is my age, Brad, who's a wrestler, and the youngest, David, who has an IQ almost as high as Albert Einstein. My best friends are CeeCee and Adam, and I also have one back in New York, Gina, who'll be flying to see me this upcoming weekend because we're all having a cookout at our house.

"Don't be nervous, you'll get to know everyone tomorrow, okay?" By the look of her eyes, there was something she's not telling me; something unfathomable that concerns me. I concentrated hard on what it was and heard a vase fall down behind her.

"Holy beejesus," my mother said, picking up the shattered pieces. "Oh no, this was from your grandmother."

_Did I do that? Because it surely wasn't the wind since it was very hot and all the windows are closed. And it certainly wasn't a person since it's only my mom and I in the room. _

I shook my head in disbelief.

»»»»»»»»»

"We're home!" my mom announced. I got out of the car and stood right in front of the house, gaping. It was old, but looked new at the same time. I've never seen a house so beautiful, because it is.

Mom rang the doorbell and a teenaged boy, my age, opened it. He was talking to my mom about something until his eyes landed on me. His eyes widened. So, this must be Brad.

"Hi, Brad," I said, giving him a little wave. Brad's eyes widened some more, I couldn't help but grin.

"Come on, Susie, come on in and let's get you settled in your room," my mom said.

I walked inside the house. The inside was even more beautiful than the outside. "Go upstairs and look for a door that says 'Suze', because that's your room. I'll be right up there with you."

So I did. I finally found the door on the third floor. I opened it and went inside. Much to my chagrin, the room was PINK, okay, PINK. I don't know what colour I like, but I definitely do not like pink, without a doubt, not at all.

"_What do you mean you don't know what I mean?" I snapped, pushing some hair away from my eyes. "You're _dead_. You don't belong here. You're supposed to be off doing whatever it is that happens to people after they're dead: rejoicing in heaven, or burning in hell, or being reincarnated, or ascending another plane of consciousness, or whatever. You're not supposed to be just…well, just _hanging around_."_

_He looked at me thoughtfully. "And what if I happen to like just hanging around?" he wanted to know._

Weird. What the hell just happened? I turned to the bay window that has a clear view of the ocean. It was a beautiful view, indeed it was.

"_Look, you can do all the hanging around you want, _amigo_. Slack away. I don't really care. But you can't do it here."_

"_Jesse," he said, not moving._

"_What?" I asked, completely dumbfounded._

"_You called me amigo. I thought you might like to know I have a name. It's Jesse."_

_I nodded. "Right. That figures. Well, fine. Jesse, then. You can't stay here, Jesse."_

"_And you?" Jesse was smiling at me now. He had a nice face._

"_And me what?"_

"_What is your name?"_

_I glared at him. "Look. Just tell me what you want and get out. I'm hot, and I want to change clothes. I don't have time for-"_

_He interrupted me. "That woman-your mother-called you Susie." His black eyes were bright on me. "Short for Susan?"_

"_Susannah," I said, correcting him automatically. "As in, 'Don't you cry for me'."_

_He smiled. "I know the song."_

I blinked. In what I've just seen, there was guy sitting on my window seat; that was practically GLOWING, okay? G-L-O-W-I-N-G. That's just not normal. Though, he was pretty handsome. But…why did I look so mad at him? He told me his name was Jesse and I told him that my name is Susannah. Who is this Jesse? And why was he in my room? I looked around. Nope, I didn't see no Jesse. But, why did the room feel and looked so familiar? Because my mom clearly told me that there was something that happened to me, though, she wouldn't tell me what it was. I even tried bribing her, wasn't successful in the end. And that Jesse guy, I…I felt as if I knew him, felt as if I'm really close to him, I felt something for him that even _I_ can't explain.

"Susie, you need help unpacking?" my mom asked out of nowhere, making me jump.

She didn't notice my jump. "Uh, no thanks, I can do it myself." I gave her a smile.

"Oh Andy, come over here," she said to the man who was headed downstairs. Who's he and what the hell is he doing in my house? My mom never said anything about remarrying…

"Yes, honey?" Andy said.

"Suze, this is Andy, your, uh, stepfather," mom introduced.

So she did, remarried, I mean. Great, just great.

"How ya doing, kiddo?" Andy asked.

"Fine. Great, actually," I replied. "I think I should get some rest. I'm feeling kind of tired.

"Oh okay then. You'll need the energy for tomorrow's party. Have a good night, honey," my mom said, walking out of my room along with Andy, my…stepfather.

This was just too much to assimilate all in one day. And I haven't even eaten anything yet, just bagel and cream cheese I had for breakfast, which was a long time ago.

»»»»»»»»»

The party, yes, the party was fun. I got along pretty well with CeeCee, Adam, and Gina. They even told me stories about what I have done for the time they have known me. I learned that CeeCee is an albino, but she really is a wonderful person. Adam jokes around a lot but he can be a good shoulder to cry on. Gina, she was the one I knew for the longest time, she's very beautiful and kind. What did I do to deserve such great friends?

I met my brothers. I must say, that my favourite out of all of them has got to be David. He's just, well, cool, you know? And he could be useful in the future, education wise, even though he is a couple of grades behind me.

"His dream is to be a doctor, Susie," my mom said with a twinkle in her eye, "I think you'll like him."

"I'm sure I will if he ever stops by," I sighed.

"He's just busy. I'll invite him over for dinner when he's not," she said. "You'll never know, you may meet him sooner than later."

My mother spent a whole hour talking to me about this guy I didn't even know. She said that he was Jake's age but goes to my school to finish his credits. And Father Dom-my school's principal, I met him during the party. He was a nice man. A priest, actually- is helping the guy pursue his dream, which was a kind thing to do. My mom was all, "He's so handsome, Susie! And such a gentleman too, you two will get along just fine."

»»»»»»»»»

"Hey, Suze," CeeCee said, greeting me. Adam gave me a nod. It was the first day of school and I'm nervous as hell.

I turned away from them to admire the school. It was big, but old, really old. As if it was built 150 years ago.

"Hey, CeeCee, I-" I started to say when I turned back but stopped when I saw a guy, _a gorgeous guy_, talking to them. He said something that sounded like, "You better not mess this up Webb, you too, McTavish," to both of them. _Mess up what?_ I thought.

He looked my way, we locked gazes.

He was heading towards me, "Hey, Suze," he said.

"Um, who are you?" I asked, backing up. Even though this guy is gorgeous, my instincts told me to stay away from him because he's danger.

"That's not a nice way to greet your _boyfriend_," he said, emphasizing the word boyfriend.

_Boyfriend?_

I stole a glance at CeeCee and Adam and saw that both their face has gone pale and was sending glares at the guy who claims to be my boyfriend.

"Ha-ha, yeah, very funny," I gave a nervous laugh. "What's your name?"

"Paul."

"Okay, Paul, this isn't a joke. You're not my boyfriend, because my mom or CeeCee or Adam or everyone else I know, would've told me that I had a boyfriend. And if I did, it sure wouldn't be you." I walked past him but cold hands gripped my arm and stopped me. "Let go of me." I hissed. I thought I saw hurt in his eyes but he hid it way too fast.

"CeeCee, Adam, is Paul my boyfriend?" I asked both of them. I took a quick glance at Paul and saw him giving them what looked like a threatening glare. "Is he?"

They nodded. Oh, god. It's just the first day of school and I already have a boyfriend!

I sighed. "If you guys say so," I saw Paul give my friends a smirk.

The first day of school was a drag. Paul, the guy who claims to be my boyfriend, wouldn't leave me alone. He was practically following me everywhere I go, except the girls' washroom, which is the only place I could go to, to avoid him, I mean.

And at lunch, oh don't get me started on lunch time. CeeCee and Adam saved me a spot right on the bench they're sitting on when Paul comes out nowhere, grabs me, and hauls me to another table, which is where my _step_brother, Brad, sits at.

"Suze, what are _you _doing here?" Brad asked accusingly when I sat down.

"She's my girlfriend, got a problem with that?" Paul retorted as he was sitting down beside me.

"No, not at all, Slater," my stepbrother answered.

I noticed that the girls, who looked like Barbies', were sending glares my way. What in the world is their problem now?

"Look, maybe I should sit with my friends," I told Paul.

"Yeah, maybe you should," one of the Barbie look-a-likes said.

"Fine, let's go then, I'm coming with you," Paul said, standing up.

"But Paul!" the girl whined, making it sound as if the name Paul had two syllables.

"Shut up, Kelly," he said. And Kelly immediately shut up. Looks like Paul's the leader of their clique.

Sitting with CeeCee and Adam…_and Paul_, was the most fun I had throughout the whole day. We didn't really do much because after lunch, the school let the grades 9-12 students out on an early dismissal. I got a ride from Adam, along with CeeCee because I didn't want to go with my stepbrother, Brad; God knows what he and his girlfriend, if he does have one, has done in the backseat where I usually sit. Paul insisted to take me home, too. But we know where that's headed, if it ever did happen.

"Honey, how was school?" mom asked once I got home.

"Oh fine," I said with a hint of disappointment, hoping she would notice.

"What's wrong?"

"How come you never told me I have a boyfriend?"

"Oh," She was smiling now. "And who's the boyfriend?"

"Paul Slater." I said.

Her smile faltered. "Well, t-that's nice, Susie."

"What's wrong mom?"

She frowned. "Nothing, I'm just happy for you," she said.

_You don't look it_, I wanted to say, but didn't. Instead, I said, "Okay, then, I'll just go up to my room and try to catch up with…er, something. Or maybe unpack some more." This was a lie because I already finished unpacking two days ago. I needed to leave because I wanted to think about why she looked so upset when I told her my boyfriend was Paul Slater.

»»»»»»»»»

"Leonardo da Vinci trained as a painter during the Renaissance and became a true master of the craft. His amazing powers of observation and skill as an illustrator enabled him to notice and recreate the effects he saw in nature, and added a special liveliness to his portraits-" Mr. Walden was saying. But I almost drifted off to sleep until CeeCee kicked me.

"Ow, what was that for?" I asked her, rubbing my 'injured' leg.

"Listen to Mr. Walden talking about Leonardo Da Vinci, because I'm not helping you if he assigns us work." CeeCee hissed.

"Fine, fine,"

"Leonardo recognized that one way to paint scenes realistically was to observe with great care how animals, people, and landscapes really looked. He was also careful to notice the differences in how an object looked when it was close by and when it was farther away, and when it was seen in bright light and in dim light. And now class, if you were listening, I want you all to write a 1500 word essay about Leonardo Da Vinci, _in your own words_," he said, looking at Brad. "You need to hand it in by tomorrow. No excuses are accepted this time, Mr. Ackerman."

"Told ya," CeeCee said.

The clock hit 12. "Class dismissed."

Everyone shuffled out of their seats and out of the door. CeeCee and I waited until everyone was out and walked outside for lunch to meet Adam.

"Hey Cee, do you see that woman there? She's glowing." I asked CeeCee, pointing at the woman who was staring at me by the tree.

"Huh? Where?" she said, squinting at the tree I was pointing at.

"Over there, that woman. Can you see her? She's glowing. Kind of odd, isn't it?"

"I don't see anyone there but a flock of seagulls. You must be hallucinating," she replied and went back to eating her lunch.

Weird. But she's still there. "Are you sure? Because I know that-" I look at the spot again and she was gone. I sighed. "Maybe I am."

"Would Miss Susannah Simon please report to the office, I repeat, Susannah Simon, please report to the office, thank you," Father Dominic's voice boomed out of the PA.

"What did you do this time, Simon?" Adam asked.

"Nothing," I replied. "I'll see you guys later." I stood up and started walking towards the office. But was stopped by Paul, "Hey Suze," he said.

"Not now, Paul. I have to go." I said trying to walk past him.

"I don't think so," he said, grinning. "Not until you give me a kiss."

I glared at him. "Fine," I kissed him on the cheek. "Bye, Paul."

"Not so fast, I didn't mean kiss on the cheek. I meant kiss on the_ lips_."

"Paul, now is not the time for playing games, I have to go. Okay?"

"Nu-uh. A kiss on the lips or else I won't leave you alone."

I groaned. "I give up," He smiled. I kissed him. I meant for it to be a peck but he turned it into something more; which felt good, really good. "Happy now?" I asked him once we broke apart.

"Yeah, I'm a happy camper alright. Bye, Suze."

"So Father D, you needed to speak to me?"

"Yes, please, come into my office." Father Dominic said, gesturing to his door.

I went inside. It smelled uncannily of cigars. "Have you been smoking?"

"Just uh, a little," came the reply.

I sat down to one of the chairs facing his big desk. "So, what's the matter?"

"Well, Susannah, I have come to a conclusion that now is the time to tell you about your, er, gift."

"Gift? What gift?" I asked, confused.

"You may not believe me, but it's worth a try," he sighed. "Susannah, you are a mediator, or a shifter is what some may call you. A powerful one, indeed. And that is why I needed to tell you."

"What's a mediator?" I asked, still confused. "Or a shifter?"

"A mediator is a liaison between the living and the dead. In other words, you, well, we, see dead people," he said. "A shifter is the same thing but more powerful, which is what you are, a shifter whereas I is only a mediator."

I see dead people? Cool.

"But how can I tell the difference?"

"Ghosts have this glow around them to be exact,"

I froze. That woman I just saw was a ghost. A real live ghost. This was too good to be true. I'm not saying that I don't believe in ghost, because I do, since I just saw one not too long ago. It's just that this was all too new, too sudden for me.

"Is something wrong, Susannah?" Father Dominic asked in concern.

"No, not at all," I said, standing up, "Is that all?"

"Well, yes, if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask."

"I won't," I said. "Bye, Father Dom."

He was about to say something but I cut him off. "Don't worry, Father D, I'm okay. I'll come to you if I have any questions about being er, a mediator or shifter, whatever."

Was that the reason why the vase shattered to pieces when I was concentrating at what my mom was thinking in the hospital? It's the only explanation that makes sense. Being a mediator/shifter, I mean.

"What was all that about?" Adam asked. "You know the whole thing with Father D?" I know CeeCee wanted to ask me as well, but she just kept quiet, wonder why.

"Oh, nothing," I lied. I couldn't tell them. They'd think I'm a freak. She eyed me warily, CeeCee, I mean, she knows I'm lying. She knows, alright.

"Hey, Adam, can you drop me off at the museum here in Carmel?" I asked Adam. "I need to do some research on the essay Mr. Walden wanted us to write about. You know, Leonardo Da Vinci."

"Sure, do you know your way around?"

No. "Of course, I do."

"Do you have money with you just in case?"

Yes, thirty bucks. "Yes,"

"Okay then."

"Be careful, okay, Suze?" CeeCee said, as I got out of the car. That was the first time I heard her say something ever since my talk with Father Dom.

"Don't worry," I told her. "Thanks again!"

I went inside the museum and wandered around. I looked for Leonardo Da Vinci's work but couldn't find it. I gave up and started heading out until I stumbled upon a 19th century display that caught my eye for no reason since I'm not much of a history person.

There were pictures of what Carmel looked like 150 years ago and there was a portrait of a woman, who looked like my age. She was beautiful. She's what guys would consider a babe back in the 19th century.

"_That's her!" I cried, completely involuntarily stabbing my finger at the painting._

"_Yes, Maria Diego. Quite the jewel in the crown of our collection, that painting. Rescued it from being sold at a garage sale by one of her grandchildren, can you imagine? Down on his luck, poor old fellow. Disgraceful, when you think about it. None of the Diegos' ever amounted to much, however. You know what they say about bad blood. And Felix Diego-"_

I was snapped back to reality when a deep masculine, slightly accented voice, asked, "May I help you?" I turned around and was shocked to find a guy standing right in front of me. He looked so familiar but I just couldn't quite place where I've seen him before.

"Oh, no, it's okay. I was just b-browsing." I managed to say.

"My name's Jesse," he said. Now I remembered. He was the same person I saw in my…dreams, or if you could call it dreams. But he wasn't glowing right now, which was weird. Then I remembered what Father D said, that ghosts glow. And in my dream, Jesse was glowing. Could it be possible that Jesse was once a ghost? I shook my head.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, my name's Susannah, but you can call me Suze if you prefer," I said.

"How are you doing today, Susannah?"

I blushed. "Okay, just trying to find Leonardo Da Vinci's work, but I can't seem to find it. It's for um, my essay. What about you?"

"I'm okay, too. Leonardo Da Vinci's section is not opening until next month." He smiled. He had a nice smile and he's _very_ good looking.

"Oh, okay, then. I guess I better go now," I said.

"Susannah? Would you like to go out for coffee with me?"

"I'd love to but I can't. You see, I already have a boyfriend." I gave him a sad smile.

"May I ask who he is?" he asked.

"His name is Paul Slater, do you know him?"

A shadow past his face. He looked mad. He gritted his teeth, and then said, "No, not at all."

"I'll see you around, Susannah," he said, walking away.

* * *

And, tada! The longest chapter I've ever done. The next one may be longer. 

Anyways, review please!


	4. Fighter

**Disclaimer: **The Mediator Series belongs to Meg Cabot; therefore, I do not own them.

"Okay, look, can you just please tell me who you are?" I asked the ghost.

It has been a week ever since Father Dom explained to me my mediator abilities, and let me tell you, I am not having fun. This is probably my umpteenth encounter with the ghost. She's been visiting me everyday, saying the same thing, "You need to know before it's too late," then gives me a sad smile. She never introduced herself either. That is why I wonder how someone, like Father D., can do this on a daily basis.

I was woken up, in the middle of the night, by a female ghost, who visits me frequently, by the way, because she wants to tell me something but she can't be bothered to. Can't a girl get some sleep?

"Susannah, you have to remember, I can't help you right now. You have to Susannah," she said in a soft voice.

"Remember what exactly?" I put on a dazed expression because really, I do not know what she meant by 'You have to remember'.

I didn't even bother to ask how she knew my name, let alone ask her how she knew where I live.

"That is for me to know, and for you to find out," she smiled at me softly, "You'll know when the time is right, and it will be soon. So be prepared," and vanished into thin air.

Just when you're about to ask the most imperative question of all time, the ghost who says you have to remember some shit she can't help you with and tells you to be prepared for I-don't-know-what, just vanishes. Typical.

The ghost was young: probably in her mid-twenties or so. She was beautiful and looked alive, but there was something in her eyes that tells me she's not alive in the inside, that she lost something or someone very dear to her. Better make a note to ask her that next time she visits, which will probably be…tomorrow.

»»»»»»»»»

"So, Suze, are you up for our date tonight?" Paul asked with a sly grin.

I raised one of my eyebrows. "Date? You didn't say anything about a date,"

"I just did, so you where do you want to go?" he said, pulling me into a hug, "-dinner and a movie perhaps?"

I gave him a peck on the cheek, "Sure,"

"_Paul, get away from me!" I shouted, tears streaming down my face. I'm surrounded by darkness; I couldn't see anything, but the figure of the Spawn of Satan and the little streak of light coming from a window high up above._

"_Susie, Susie, Susie," he said, clicking his tongue. "What am I going to do with you?"_

"_Just please, let me go…" I was sobbing. I need to get out._

"_Did you actually think that I'm going to let you go that easily? Did you actually believe that bullshit I told you?" he gave a menacing laugh. "If you did, then you don't know me very well."_

"_How could you?" I was shaking, not because of coldness, but because of fear: Fear of Paul Slater. "I trusted you! I thought you changed!"_

"_Well, you thought wrong, Suze," he said caressing my cheek. I flinched at his touch. The room was filled with feelings such as anger, regrets and so much more. "I can't let you go, not just yet." He dug into his pocket; at least I assumed he did. He pulled out a handkerchief._

_I stared at him in shock. "No, Paul, please don't do this,"_

_He looked at me intently, "I have to, I can't let you go, not until I have my way with you and make your man suffer: which is what I'm going to do, make him suffer by hurting you, the one he loves, abusing you with every touch," he hissed. "This is what happens when you reject a Slater."_

"_You know I love him, Paul, why can't you just accept that?" I thought he had changed. He had said so himself._

"_I can't accept it Suze, because I'm the one for you! Not De Silva! You may think that you love him, but you don't!" he shouted in such infuriated tone that I began to whimper._

_He unfolded the handkerchief and started wrapping it around my mouth. "I don't want you making any noise,"_

_All I could do was to stare at him and let the tears fall. I'm weak, vulnerable, defeated…there was no one to save me, I fell to the ground, I couldn't take it anymore._

_He knelt down alongside of me. "I'm going to take away the very thing you value, Suze, and I'm not talking about Rico Suave here," he whispered, his cold hands on my thigh._

_I could feel him smirking. His hands started to go upwards and I kicked him, but he was too fast for me and caught my ankle. I started punching him, but he caught my bawled fist also._

"_Think you can pull a fast one on me, don't you?" he stood me up and backed me up to the wall, "Too bad, Suze, because you're mine. And your Jessekins isn't here to ruin all the pleasures I'm going to be having with you," and went for the plunge._

"Suze, are you okay?" Someone was shaking me. I snapped out of the trance and found myself staring at Paul's blue eyes.

"What happened?" I found myself asking.

"You looked out of it for a moment, are you okay?" Paul asked, concerned.

"Yeah, sure. Look. We'll continue this talk later, I have to go." I broke out of his grip and went directly to Father Dom's office.

I didn't know what it was all about, but when I looked into his eyes, there was confusion in it, as if he was trying to figure out what I was thinking at the very moment. I needed to tell Father D about all these things that have been happening to me. It wasn't normal. It just wasn't.

"Hey, Bernadette, can I please speak to Father Dominic?" I asked the secretary.

"Sure," the secretary smiled. "But not right now, can you wait for just a bit?"

I nodded and took a seat.

I looked around the office and for the first time, I just noticed the big crucifix, and the statue of Mary. I never really paid attention to my surroundings but this one caught my attention.

_A boy who was slumped on a couch across from where my mom and I had been instructed to wait noticed the direction of my gaze and said, "He's supposed to weep tears of blood if any girl ever graduates from here a virgin."_

_I couldn't help letting out a little bark of laughter. My mom glared at me. The secretary, a plump middle-aged woman who looked as if something like that ought to have offended her deeply, only rolled her eyes, and said tiredly, "Oh, Adam."_

_Adam looked at me with a perfectly serious face. "It's true," he said gravely. "It happened last year. My sister." He dropped his voice. "She's adopted."_

"Suze, you may go in now," the secretary said. I jumped a bit, which might've have caused the startled look on my face.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah sure," I replied, standing up. "Thanks Bernadette!"

"You're welcome." And I headed to the door towards Father Dom's office.

»»»»»»»»»

"So, you're saying that I'm having flashbacks?"

"Yes, it might have been because of the accident," Father Dominic said.

"Are you saying that I have some kind of amnesia and my memories are coming back to me now?" I asked.

"Somewhere along that line," he said. He was fidgeting with a pack of cigarettes, which is what I assume he does when he's nervous.

"Have I met you before the accident and everyone else here?"

"Yes," Just one simple yes made my heart ache. I mean, what if the people I trust now aren't who they really were before?

"I have one more thing to tell you…" I said slowly.

"What is it, Susannah?" he asked.

"Well, um," I shifted in my seat a bit. I don't know if I should tell him about my encounters with the ghost who's been visiting me.

"Yes, Susannah?" he asked again.

"Uh…well, um," I'll just tell him. What's it going to hurt anyways, right? "There's been a ghost visiting me daily for the past week."

"And who is this ghost?"

"She never really told me anything about herself," I explained. "She just comes and goes, telling me the same thing everyday."

"What would that might be?"

"'You need to remember'," I repeated. "But she said she can't tell me what it is I have to remember. I mean, why tell me I have to when I can't even and then she tells me she can't tell me either, I mean, that's jus-" I was babbling, I knew it. It's becoming a habit of mine.

"What does this ghost look like?" he asked all of a sudden.

"Well, really-,"

"What does this ghost look like?" he asked again, with a firm voice this time.

I made a growling sound. I shouldn't have mentioned her. I sighed. "She has wavy black hair, a fair complexion, and hazel eyes. Though, her nose is a bit pointy, and her eyes look to close to-"

I looked at Father Dom and saw that his face turned as white as his hair. "Father D? Are you okay? Do you want me to get the secretary?"

He blinked. He blinked at me. "Susannah,"

"Yes?"

"When you see her again, please, ask her what her name is," he said.

"O…kay," I said. "Anyways, I have to tell you something else too."

He nodded. "Yes, go on?"

"I always see this guy named Jesse, I already met him, in my what-you-call flashbacks. In some of them, he was glowing. Like a ghost."

"I can't explain everything to you right now, Susannah. I agree with this woman. If I do tell you, it'd be too much to take."

"B-but Father-" He cut me off. Why is he always doing that?

"No buts, Susannah. Now go on, you'll be late. Your brother will leave you if you don't hurry up."

He was right about the latter. Brad _will_ leave me if I wasn't by the parking lot once the big ol' clock hits 3.

"Jeez. Fine, bye Father D. See ya when tomorrow."

»»»»»»»»»

"Susannah," I stopped in a halt. I looked behind me and saw a familiar figure running.

"Jesse?" I asked. I wasn't sure; I had to squint for a few times to be able to tell it was him. Last time I saw him was in the museum last week. He still looked good. But what is he doing here? Isn't he supposed to be in college? I was confused, I really was.

He stopped right in front of me, gasping for breath. "Are you okay?"

He exhaled. "Yes, yes, I'm okay."

"So, um, what are you doing here?" I asked in utter confusion. He started to grin.

"I go to school here," he said.

Huh? "You," I pointed at him. "-go to school here?" I said gesturing to the school.

"Yes, that's right."

"What? Did you fail or something?" I asked, with one brow raised up.

Jesse started laughing. "No _querida_, I'm in the same grade as you but not the same age. It is just that I have to finish my credits to be able to get into University."

"What'd you just call me? Did you call me queer? Because, you know, I'm not queer, not at all and you know wha-" Ugh, why are people always doing that? You know cutting me off.

"I didn't call you anything. But if I did, it's anything but bad," he said with a smile.

"Okay," I said, changing the subject. "Well, so, what job are you going to take after this year's done?"

He looked straight into my eyes. "I want to be a doctor."

"_Jesse, stop!" I shouted, laughing that my abdomen started hurting._

"_Not until you say, 'Jesse, you are going to be the greatest doctor of all!'" he said._

_He continued tickling me. "No!"_

"_Querida…say it," _

"_Okay, okay, stop!" I giggled. "Jesse you are going to be the greatest doctor of all! Happy now?"_

"_Of course, mi querida," Our gazes locked. We both started leaning forward. His warm lips came down on mine, gently and started kissing me, not possessively, but affectionately._

"_I love you, Susannah," he murmured._

"_I love you too, Jesse,"_

"Susannah, are you okay?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"Look, _querida_. I know that you and that _bastardo_ are together. But you need to know that Paul is not who you think he says he is. He's responsible for your first me-"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't De Silva," I looked over his shoulder and saw Paul.

Jesse started muttering stuff, which I can only guess, in Spanish.

"Hey, Paul," I said, walking towards him, awkwardly giving him a peck on the cheek.

I still couldn't digest what I just saw. It was too much. I never had these kinds of flashbacks with Paul…

I looked at both of them. Jesse had a scowl on his face, and Paul had a smirk on his. Perhaps they've always hated each other?

"I'm telling you, Rico Suave, it will never work," he said, Paul, I mean. What won't work? "Now, get going and leave my _girlfriend_ alone."

Jesse started walking away, but before he did, he muttered, "_Hijo de puta_."

I guess Paul knew Spanish also, because before I could do anything, he lunged himself at Jesse and punched him.

"Paul, stop this right now!" I said walking towards him.

Before he could punch Jesse again, I placed myself between them, and Paul ended up punching me in my left eye. Jeez, so much for being your girlfriend. I touched my eye and felt blood prickling down my face.

I looked at Paul. He was giving me that look again, that questioning look. The cold wind picked up. I started shivering.

I felt someone tapping my back. "Susann-"

"This is both your fault!" I exploded. "You assholes! Ugh!"

"He started it," Paul said.

"No, I didn't. You di-"

"Will you both shut up?" I shouted. Paul smirked. "Wipe that smirk off your face Slater or else, the date is off!" Jesse smiled. "What are _you_ smiling about?"

I gave both of them one last glare and walked away. I'm going home. Stupid bastards.

_Meanwhile; back in school…_

"It _is_ your fault, you know?" Jesse said. "You're the one who punched me."

"Shut up," Paul replied. He was pissed. No, he was _beyond_ pissed. How could Suze protect Jesse? He was her boyfriend for Pete's sake. Well, no, he lied about that, but she thinks he is. So it's all good, unless Jesse mess things up.

"Gladly," the Spanish male hottie (A/N: Don't mind me) replied back, tapping his foot.

"Fuck you!" Paul snapped.

He blinked at Paul. "No thank you," he (Jesse) said, with a smile.

"Damn gay ass freak," Paul muttered and walked away, still muttering on the way home.

Jesse stared at Paul's back, with the smile still on his face. He was satisfied that Susannah canceled her date with Slater.

He walked away, whistling.

* * *

Okay, I know it wasn't as long as the last chapter but…oh well. :D

Please review!

- Claudine


	5. An Unknown Memory

**Disclaimer: **Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

Thanks for the reviews! We're slowly getting there, to the plot, I mean. :D

* * *

"_A guy came in the front desk with the patient. He said her name was Amanda Smith," a low female voice whispered._

_Who's Amanda? I tried to open my eyes but my head started spinning, throbbing, as if someone's banging it with a hammer, making me shut my eyes tighter._

"_Are you sure, Cheryl? Do we have any records of her?" another voice whispered._

"_Well, so far, not that I know of, Dr. Robinson," Cheryl replied, not in a whisper anymore. I guess they assumed that I was fast asleep._

"_Did the man who came in give us any contact information?" Dr. Robinson asked._

"_Yes, he said that his name was Paul Slater. He left us her parents' contact information,"_

_A moment of silence passed. "Do you know why she has bruises on her body?" the doctor asked with concern._

"_I did ask Mr. Slater. He gave me a funny look and just shrugged. He said that he just found her some where but didn't specify the place," Cheryl said. "I have a feeling though that Mr. Slater knows more than what he told me. He may have been involved with what happened with Ms. Smith here."_

"_Now, now, Cheryl. How could you possibly think that? The man brought the lady down here. He practically saved her."_

"_But it was just a hunch. I mean, don't you think it's kind of weird he didn't even give HIS phone number, just in case?"_

"_That is a bit odd. Nonetheless, we will keep Ms. Smith here in the hospital for now. Then, we'll call her family and let them know." Dr. Robinson said. "I suggest we leave now and have Lucy take care of her for the meantime."_

"_Yes, ma'am," _

_Footsteps followed and the sound of the door closing, telling me that I was alone in the white painted room._

_Listening to the silence that followed, I couldn't help but wonder:_

_Who the hell is Paul Slater and…why am I in a hospital?_

_

* * *

_

Sorry about the short ―VERY short― chapter. I just needed to let this memory out in the open since it's _kind_ of important. :)


	6. Emotions Astir

**Disclaimer: **Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

Alright, alright. Here's the real chapter. :D

So, enjoy!

PS: Thanks for the birthday greetings! hugs

* * *

The next few days had been a breeze. They went by fast. I haven't see Jesse nor talked to Paul ever since that incident. I never told any one about what happened either, who knows what would have gone around the school if I did? Rumors…uh huh, that's right. 

"Suze!" Paul called behind me. I was walking to my locker and decided to walk faster.

Its just not my day is it? Have I told you that this is what I have been for the past few days? Avoiding Paul like a plague, I mean.

"Suze, wait!"

"Leave me alone, Paul," I said, not stopping.

I kept walking until I was sure that he stopped following me and that I had the _right_ locker this time.

Sadly, luck wasn't on my side today― but thank heavens it was the right locker.

"Suze, just listen to me, please," he said, out of breath, and made a grab for my wrist.

I glared at him. "How many times do I have to tell you, Paul?" I asked him. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Why?" he asked. "Is it because of Jesse? Why are you defending him anyways? You don't know him as well as you know me."

Somehow, his tone ticked me off. As if _I_ shouldn't be doing such thing…as if it were a crime. But oh well, what does _he_ know?

"…It's not about Jesse, alright? And I'm not defending him. I know him. I think I know him much better than I know you," Which is so not true.

But Jesse and I…we have a connection, if not physical, then an emotional one. Something I never found in Paul. And I find it odd how Paul strikes me as someone who's dangerous…whereas…Jesse…he strikes me as something else, something I can't comprehend. He wasn't anything like Paul. If anything, he'd never _be_ like Paul.

"Are you sure about that, Suze?" he asked and next thing I knew his lips crashed down on mine. But no matter how much my mind resented what he just did; my body didn't care because I was…kissing him back.

I tried to pull away but his grip on me was like steel.

His kisses always feel good that's why I always have a hard time pulling away. I think I might have a screw loose or something. "Paul, stop manipulating me with this crap," I wanted to say but just couldn't, since you know, you can't really talk when a hot-guy-who-is-your-boyfriend-but-you-don't-really-like-him is kissing you.

I opened my eyes and thank god his was closed. If my mother was here right now, she'd lecture me on how it was inappropriate to kiss someone with your eyes open…which was really a disturbing thought. Thinking of my mother watching me kiss a guy, I mean. Ew.

I looked over his shoulder and couldn't believe what I just saw.

Jesse. He was staring at us. Well, mainly me.

His eyes, I noticed before were black-brown…eyes that had depth in it…eyes that look as if they were searing into your soul every time he looks at you.

He looked so angry and sad at the same time. He looked as if he wanted to be in Paul's place right now, kissing me.

The idea of Jesse kissing me seemed pretty good but I still didn't understand…why?

Did we have anything to do with each other in the past? Was that why I was getting all these flashbacks? No…

We locked gazes.

After a few moments, he nodded at me and left.

What was _that_ all about?

I needed to talk to Jesse and ask him what he meant by it. The only way I could do that was to have Paul stop kissing me.

I know that we're a couple and all but I don't really care. When I need to do some thing, I do it.

That was why I did what I did next and I'm terribly sorry for it. I'm serious. I gave Paul a swift kick in the groin. Well, it worked. He released me. He fell to his knees and started groaning.

"I'm so sorry Paul. I just have to do…something." I said and started to run where Jesse was.

When I got there, I didn't see Jesse anywhere. It was as if he just disappeared. But a moment later, I was proven wrong. I saw him in the parking lot, about to start his car.

"Jesse!" I called, hoping that he would hear me. He didn't. I started to run.

"_Jeffrey!" I yelled again. This time he heard me. He looked around. He found me. I was standing right in the middle of the parking lot. Then, something hit me at the side. It hurt, a lot. I couldn't breathe. It was painful. I tried to gasp for breath, but I couldn't. I tumbled down the parking lot. Bleeding. I looked around, it was a car. It was a car that hit me. I looked at Jeffrey once more; he was running towards me, calling me Susannah._

I stopped right in front of his car. Talk about déjà vu…Jeffrey? Possibly another flashback?

I sighed. This was just getting weirder and weirder.

I walked to Jesse's side of the car and stared at him, trying to catch his eye. There was something in his eyes, perhaps fear? Guilt? Anger? …and I don't know if I'm right or wrong, but I also saw…but–maybe, just maybe, love? Love for me? I wish. _Suze! You have a boyfriend! _I know that. But he hid it away quickly, not even looking at me.

"Jesse…" I said. "Jesse, look at me."

He sighed and turned his head to face me, locking his eyes with mine.

"I'm sorry," I said softly even though I didn't know what I was sorry for. Somehow, an apology seemed like the right thing to do, but…it was as if kissing Paul wasn't the only thing I was sorry for, it was something more, something BIG.

He scoffed. "Why should you be? You didn't do anything wrong." I knew that from the moment he said it, he regretted it. "I'm sorry, Susannah. I didn't mean to…I…goodbye, _querida_," He started the ignition and drove off, leaving me in the parking lot, gaping.

I pulled myself together (and feelings, for that matter, I was really hurt, you know) and walked back to where I left Paul.

I found him standing by my locker, smiling at me. Not a trace of anger in his eyes. What's _he_ on about?

I smiled sweetly at him. "Hi, Paul. How are you doing?"

"Cut it out with the fake crap, Simon," God. I was just trying to start conversation. Way to make your girlfriend feel welcome. "Why did you kick me?"

I started blushing. "Oh yeah…about that. Um, I'm really sorry. I just needed to do some…thing." I managed to croak.

He looked at me for a moment and sighed. "Okay, then."

I looked at him in bewilderment. "That's it? You're not going to lecture me on how bad of a girlfriend I am?"

He shrugged and smirked at me. "Why should I? You're a great person."

I blushed some more, not because of shame and embarrassment, because his compliment was just so…nice, despite the smirk that came before that.

"Is that true?" I asked.

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, so will I see you later?"

I cleared my throat. "Uh…sure, I guess?"

Paul gave me a peck on the lips and said, "Bye, Suze, see you later."

I came to my senses and blushed some more. My cheeks were probably blood red, I am so sure.

After he left, I groaned, giving my locker a little kick. I fell to the ground and leaned against the cool metal. I wanted to cry but couldn't bring myself to show any emotion.

Why is everything becoming so hard?

…I don't know who I am or where I belong anymore. Not that I knew in the first place. Sure, I have parents, brothers, friends, you know, almost the whole package…but…I don't know. I just…don't.

And Jesse…I feel something for him but I'm just not sure. I feel something for Paul too…it's as if both of them have this power over me, power over my emotions.

It's as if they're the ones who's controlling my life not me.

I don't know who I'm supposed to be with: Jesse or Paul? Paul or Jesse? Perhaps neither of them? No…that's not right. I'm supposed to be with one of them…I'm sure, I know it.

What else has been bugging me? Well, it's the fact that what if everyone I know is lying to me? What am I to do?

What if CeeCee and Adam aren't really my friends?

What if my mother isn't really my mother?

What if…

I…I don't know who to trust anymore. Why? Why? WHY? Why me…?

There were weird things happening around me, how people act when I'm around.

I groaned to myself some more and stood up.

I needed answers, and the only person who can give them to me was Father Dom.

And I sure do hope I get them, answers, I mean.

Sighing, I started to walk down to Father Dominic's office.

Luckily, the secretary wasn't there. Don't get me wrong, the secretary is nice and all but right now, I didn't need her to tell me to 'turn that frown, upside down'. It's just not happening.

The door to Father D's office was slightly open. I could hear Father D talking in a low voice and another.

I couldn't help but to place my ear against the wooden door and listen to what they were talking about.

"Why did you choose to leave instead of being with…me?" Father Dominic said softly. "Juliana…answer me, please. Why?"

"Dominic now is not the time to talk about our past. We have to do something with Susannah," Me? …wait. Juliana…she's the ghost who's been visiting me. How do they know each other? What was their past? "That boy who did this to her must be punished! Shifters can not use their powers to manipulate another. It's just wrong!" Who did what to me? Was the boy the reason why I lost my memory? If so, then how? And…._Shifters_? Wait, Father Dominic told me I'm a shifter too! And that could only mean one thing…no…that's not right.

"I'm afraid I can not do anything about it. If there was a way, surely I would have done it a long time ago, before the car accident happened. That accident just made matters worse," Father Dominic replied, shaking his head.

Juliana sighed. "Hector…he told me that if Susannah feels that she needed to be with that…that boy, then she is free to do so. But if she follows her heart…she may remember everything," she said. "We need to get her and Hector together…again. They are meant to be. Dominic, are you with me on this one?" _Who's Hector? _I slightly opened the crack more to get a better view and hearing.

"As much as I want to, I can not do such thing. I can not force Susannah to be with someone she can not even remember. And in the eyes of God and the church, it would be wrong to do so."

"Oh, for God's sake, Dominic! Susannah's memory is at stake here, HER _LIFE_ IS AT STAKE HERE! For once, stop talking about following God's footsteps!" the woman shrieked. She yelled at a priest. SHE yelled at a PRIEST. What's going on? "See, this is the problem between you and me, Dominic. Ever since I met you, you―"

I don't know how it happened but the door opened wide and I stumbled inside the room.

"Um…hi?" I squeaked, straightening myself up. This was just so embarrassing. They were probably having a lover's quarrel, and I just _had_ to eavesdrop.

"Hello, Susannah," Juliana said to me sharply. "Dominic, think about what we just talked about," she said to Father Dominic, using the same tone of voice, and glanced at me. Father D nodded weakly and she dematerialized.

Father Dominic serenely walked to his chair behind the big desk and just sat there, on the chair, I mean. Staring off into space. He didn't even acknowledge my presence.

I just stood there staring at him. Why? I was confused. About what? About how Juliana and Father D knows each other…and about that thing involving me, a boy, and another guy named Hector.

The name Hector does sound oddly familiar…I just don't know where I've heard, or seen it.

_There I was walking in the graveyard, reminiscing about the times I spent there…A familiar figure was just standing there, right in front of the spot I was headed. I walked towards it and stopped right beside the man who was caressing the tombstone._

"_Here lies Hector 'Jesse' De Silva. 1820-1850. A son, a brother, and a friend," the tombstone read._

_Jesse looked at me, gratefulness in his eyes. "Susannah, you do not know how grateful I am to have you in my life. You gave me a second chance. You risked your life for me," he lightly touched my cheek with his fingertips. "Susannah, I do not know how I can repay you."_

_I smiled up at him. "Loving me is enough, Jesse. Because that's all I want. All I want is you. You're the reason why I'm still living, because without you, I don't make sense."_

_He smiled back. "I love you, mi querida, forever and for always. You mean so much to me," he whispered. "Te amo con to do mi corazon,"_

"_I love you too," I whispered back._

_And with that, his lips came crushing down on mine, gently caressing it._

Jesse. Not again. I shook my head. That was just…unbelievable. This is what now, my 2nd, 3rd, 4th time having a flashback with Jesse and me together?

I shuddered. Somehow…I liked that idea. Having Jesse by my side and being carefree, oblivious to our surroundings.

I shook my head again, but this time in despair. It's just not possible.

"Um, Father D?" I said.

I swear, if Father D wasn't sitting on the chair, he could've jumped a mile. Was my voice really that startling?

"H-how did you get here?" he asked.

I scrunched up my nose. "You mean you didn't see me fall?"

"I don't think I did…" he said, drifting off.

Getting to the point, "How do you know Juliana?"

Father D looked at me. "…how much did you hear?"

"Enough."

"Oh boy…" he said, shaking his head.

"So, are you going to answer my question?" I asked. "How do you know Juliana?"

I walked to the seat in front of the table and sat down, crossing my arms over my chest.

His mouth twitched upwards as if he wanted to smile, but he frowned instead. "Juliana…what can I say about her?" He sighed. "She was and still is a remarkable lady. She reminded me of you when you first came to this school." A shocker there…

"So if you knew her then, why were you surprised to see her?"

"I guess there is no way of getting out of this one, is there?" he asked.

"Nope," I answered.

"Well, as you know, Juliana and I knew each other then. You can call us…" he cleared his throat. "….you can call us…lovers. That's one way to put it." Lovers? I echoed in my mind.

"Was she a ghost when you two fell in love?" I asked softly.

"Unfortunately…yes." His voice started to shake and I felt guilty for bringing up the topic. They must have had quite a past if it stirred such emotions in Father Dominic's heart.

I cleared my throat. "You know what Father D? Let's not talk about this right now, maybe some other time. I have some more questions to ask you about what I…over…heard."

He nodded. "A wise choice, Susannah," he closed his eyes, as if wanting to shut out a memory. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. "So what are the questions you need answers from?"

I tapped my foot on the hardwood floor. "I overheard you and Juliana talk about a guy named Hector and I was won…"

"Wondering who he is," Father Dominic finished for me. "Am I right?"

I nodded.

"Just like what Juliana told you, the time is not right," he said. "I know you have overheard her saying that you and J― _Hector_ have to be together to be able to have your memory come back…but you have to be able to get it back yourself. You need to remember it all on your own. Everything…every single memory. So if it means…having Hector fall in love with you, then so be it, but you are not going to get help from us. I am certain though that Hector lo―" He stopped himself before revealing too much. "The important thing you should know is that you know him, Hector, I mean, even from before. In fact, you know him quite well."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"All I'm saying is Susannah, if we try to help you, it may not work. What happened to you…it's difficult to understand how it was done. It might make things more complicated for all of us. For all I know, it might mess things up."

Suddenly, rage surged through my veins, I don't know why. I felt like crying, different kinds of emotions were bubbling up inside of me.

How dare he not tell me?

How dare he?

I wanted to have a fit, but couldn't bring myself up to it. Father Dominic was helping me, and…I can't get mad at him for helping me, along with Juliana.

Instead of expressing my fury by having an outburst, instead, I managed to say softly, "My heart is breaking, bit by bit. I don't know who I'm supposed to be with but I know he's out there somewhere…this someone. I don't know who I am or the world around me. I'm frustrated and confused with everything that's happening, especially all these flashbacks that are coming to me," I remembered my dream last night, the one at the hospital…with the doctors…and Paul. The tears that I was trying to hold from escaping got out." And I need an explanation for all the things that are happening. Y–you can't shut me out of my o–own life. You can't." I sobbed. "You just can't." I wiped my tears with my sleeves before Father D could see me crying. He didn't though it was pretty much obvious since my eyes get all puffy very easily when I cry.

Father D blinked at me and he clasped his hands together. "You are so much like her…Juliana…" he said, shaking his head.

I tried to smile but it was forced. A fake and forced smile.

"What do you need to know?" He asked, tapping his fingers.

I closed my eyes, blocking the tears that we're threatening to fall again. "Who is this boy and what did he do to me?"

The tapping stopped and I opened my eyes. He looked at me. "Susannah, are you sure you want to know such thing?"

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat.

"Yes, I do."

"Well then."

"So…who is he and what did he do?"

"His name is―"

_I was laying on something…soft. A bed._

_Both my wrists were tied to the head board and my ankles tied to a post too. _

_I realized that I was undressed, I wasn't wearing anything. I was covered by a cover, meaning that if someone takes the cover from me, I'd be revealed. I'd be naked in their eyes._

_I didn't want anybody to see me naked but Jesse. I was saving myself for him! He wanted us to wait…_

_I started panicking. What's happening? Where's Jesse?_

_Jesse! _

_JESSE!_

_I screamed inwardly._

_JESSE! Help me…_

_Then, I remembered that Jesse wasn't a ghost anymore. He was alive…which means he can't help me. No!_

_My eyes traveled to the figure that was in front of me._

_He had a menacing smile on his face. He was looking at me as if I were a piece of meat waiting to be eaten. I was frightened of him…no._

"_Hello, Susie," he whispered._

_He climbed on top of me and straddled me._

_He caressed my cheek. "Do you know how long I've been waiting to do this, Suze?" he said. "To touch you and not worry if De Silva's going to come…It's your fault. You made him alive. Now his ghost can't save you. You hear that Suze? CAN'T," he laughed._

_He placed both his large hands on my breasts. _

_I whimpered from his sudden touch. His hands were warm…and it soothed me, relaxing me…NO! You can't think that! That's just wrong!_

"_Please…don't do this," I said between gasps._

_He smirked. "Yeah, right, like I'm going to pass up this opportunity." _

_I started thrashing around; he gripped his hold on my breasts tighter, I winced and screamed._

_He took his hands off my chest and kissed me hard on the lips. I didn't want to kiss him back…but I found myself doing it. _

_By then, tears were already streaming down my face. I wanted everything to just…stop. But I didn't have the power._

_No one could help me._

_No one. _

_While he was doing that, I noticed that his hands went under the cover and his fingers were traveling up my thigh…_

_Jesse…_

"_Paul, NO!" I screamed. "STOP IT!"_

_Next thing I knew, a hard blow came from the side of my head and I blacked out._

"Oh my god," I whispered.

"Susannah, are you okay?" Father Dominic asked concern in his voice.

I was getting dizzy… everything around me was spinning.

Everything was getting darker…and darker…

Darkness was enclosing me…and I blacked out.

* * *

Anyways, this chapter was a bit rushed but oh wells. :D 

However, I want CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms, no flames. I need to know what I'm doing wrong or right, because I want to improve this story and mainly my writing.

I also don't want things like, "This should be a PS/JS" yadayadayada because I haven't made up my mind yet.

So for the people who's been itching to say something but were too scared to get their heads bitten off by me (Kidding), speak now…I mean, TYPE now, or forever hold your peace.

But remember, I am the author and I get to do whatever I like. So if that means killing Paul or Jesse, then…yeah, kidding again. There's NO way I'm going to kill them unless it's absolutely necessary.

Mwuahahaha! ;) evil grin

PS: I don't know if my plan for Paul being nice is going to work…we'll see because there are so many ideas floating in my mind for this story.

Much love, Claudine

Please review!


	7. Vulnerability

**Disclaimer: **Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

Spring Break's over. Sigh.

Sorry about the lack of updates, I've been busy. But thank you so much for the reviews/constructive criticisms; they really helped, a lot. So here you go guys, another chapter (a long chapter, teehee) from moi. :D

**Warning: **Minor cursing.

* * *

The white room was blinding me…oh my god…

I see chairs. Like those kinds of chairs you see in emergency rooms…

A little tube coming from this pump above me hanging on this metal stand and connected to my left hand (what's it called again?)…water flowing into me…

And I realized that I was in a hospital.

Jeez.

Was I like…oh I don't know accident-prone or something? Because I seem to be ending up in hospitals a lot lately. Thank god not in the ICU or anything like that because I don't think I have any serious damages.

What the hell happened anyways?

I turned my head to the side and my head felt like it was going to explode. I felt a prickle of blood gush out of the side of my head but weird as it is, it didn't come flowing down my face.

I touched the side of my head and a bandage was wrapped around it, my head, I mean.

What happened? My mind was vague.

I closed my eyes.

I was getting freaked out already. First I don't even know where I got the cut from, and second, I don't know why I'm in a hospital.

Someone entered the room and I opened my eyes and tried to lift up my head to see who it was.

"Easy there," the lady said, walking right beside my bed. She lifted my head and fluffed my pillow. "Feeling okay?" she smiled at me. She put my head back down.

Her face was very familiar…she had black hair and tanned face, natural tan. She had brown eyes and was probably in her mid-30s or early-40s.

"_Amanda, wake up, darling." A female voice pleaded. "Amy, get up now, I have a special surprise for you…." Someone was shaking me._

_I got up and looked around. I can see the sun shining through my window. "What time is it?"_

" _11:30__, in the morning." Lucy answered._

"_Is it really that early?" I sighed. "What day is it today?"_

"_Friday, June the 3rd."_

"_Okay…can I ask you something?"_

"_Yeah, sure, go ahead. What is it?"_

"_How long have I been here?" I asked. "In this hospital, I mean."_

_She stopped fussing around the room and turned to face me. "Do you really want to know?" she asked._

_I nodded._

_She sighed, a big one, actually. "6 months."_

"_I've been here for six months…?"_

"_Yes, Amy. Now get up and go take a shower."_

_I wasn't listening. I stayed frozen at the foot of my bed. All I could think about was why I've been in this place for so long and why no one came to get me. "Why? What happened to me?"_

_She suddenly turned pale. It didn't seem like a good idea any more since it might be some bad news. "Do you really want to know?"_

_I nodded and managed to swallow the lump in my throat._

"Ahh!" I winced. My head hurt like a bitch.

Father D…another flashback. Damn.

I adjusted my head on the pillow and stared at her. My mouth felt dry, it was hard to swallow. "Is your name Lucy?" I asked her hoarsely, feeling my throat burn.

She stared at me wide-eyed. Her gaze made me pretty uncomfortable, as if I was invading something that's personal to her.

"Um, you know what. Ignore my question. It's just that you look very familiar…" I said.

Lucy nodded and heaved a sigh. "Okay," she smiled again. "Just call me when you need anything. The doctor will be checking up on you fairly soon. Okay, A―Suze?"

I nodded and with a last concerned look from Lucy, she left.

Then everything just came tumbling back. Why I was in the hospital…but not exactly everything. My mind was fuzzy, like what happens when it's raining and the satellite gets damage and all you see on TV is grey static.

And an image of a person came to me.

A bit blurry but I knew who it was. I knew his face too well.

Paul.

Paul…I― he did something to me.

Something I was terrified of that I didn't know about.

And I didn't dare think about it. It was just too much for a girl like me to handle.

The only thing I _could_ remember was Father D telling me something and I had a flashback. In the memory I was hit at the side of my head, what happened before that?

I sighed in discontentment.

But in the memory…if I got hit in the head there, and I didn't get hit literally…then how did I get the cut?

Could it be another shifting ability that I could do?

No…but I'm pretty sure I didn't hit my head or anything.

I winced. The pain was unbearable. My head felt as if it was going to burst any moment now.

Maybe it was the memory. Maybe that memory caused it. Maybe…just maybe, my power got out of control and it caused me to harm myself.

That can't be. Well…it could be possible…but…I guess better ask Father D.

There were still many questions floating in my mind about Paul and shifting.

But the most important question I've been asking myself ever since I overheard the conversation between Father D and Juliana was who caused me to lose my memory?

…Who was even powerful enough to do such thing and _why_?

Why did they want to screw up my life even more?

Why did they want me to forget my life and everyone in it?

Was it because something terrible happened and they didn't want me to remember?

Sigh.

I better make a note to ask Juliana also. She might know at least _something_ about it, something she could tell me. I mean, she _was_ the one who mentioned it.

I sat up and looked around the room. The room was painted yellow― but a bit orangeier ―, a vase of flowers was placed on the table right beside my bed, paintings were hung on the walls, a mirror hung next to the vase. Nice room.

I played with the hem of my hospital gown I was wearing and closed my eyes again, trying to envision what had happened earlier. When nothing came, I opened my eyes.

Damn.

How was I supposed to remember EVERYTHING? It's just not logically possible, in my opinion. One of these days…sigh.

Let's be honest here. I, Suze, am getting sick of this shit. How do they think I'm going to remember? Just snap my fingers and say Avada Kedavra? Okay, that was a bit Harry Potter of me (and besides, if I were a witch, whatever, I could totally kill myself or a person by saying it). It's just that…what they were telling me and want me to do was very discombobulating.

Discombobulating? Where did THAT come from?

I stopped thinking for a moment. Okay, maybe THAT'S not possible but you get what I mean.

There were people talking just outside of my room. Who could it be? Visitors? Nah. Likely but I doubt it. I got off the bed and strode over to the mirror to fix my hair, taking the metal stand with the pump hanging on the hook. What? It could be a guy, a good-looking guy. I wish.

After fixing my hair― not that it was possible, my head was wrapped with a bandage so you can't really do much with it― I opened the door slightly.

But I was wrong on that account. You see, it wasn't a cute guy at all. Nope. No guy even, nada, zero, zilch.

It was Lucy and a doctor talking in low whispers down the hall. About what? I don't know.

That was why I tiptoed out of my room to the other side of the wall to hide myself and to get a better hearing.

"She remembers me…well, not exactly, but she said I looked familiar," Lucy said to the woman.

"It still doesn't prove a lot, Lucy," the woman said.

Lucy narrowed her eyes a little. " But Dr. Robinson, she asked me if my name was Lucy. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Dr. Robinson raised her voice. "Of course it does. It just means that she's progressing but that doesn't mean she fully remembers it all. She lost her memory TWICE, Lucy. Don't expect her to have a full recovery just yet."

"Don't you think Suze has gone so much trouble already for a teenager? It must be hard for her," Lucy sighed. "She lost her memory twice, got called Amanda Smith for 6 months…" she drifted off. "How did we even get THAT name?"

I lost my memory twice…so was that what Father D meant about the accident? And how DID I get the name Amanda Smith. This was just getting more and more confusing.

"Yes, I agree with you to an extent. Apparently, the person who brought her here the first time gave us the false name. For what reason, I do not know. Don't ask me anymore," Dr. Robinson said firmly. "Let's just leave it at this and we'll see how she's doing for the next couple of weeks, unless her parents tell us differently."

Lucy sighed again. "Yes, Dr. Robinson. I'll go…do something. Goodbye," Dr. Robinson nodded and they both left, walking the other way. Thank goodness.

Walking back to my room, I couldn't help but wonder…what's this person trying to hide from me?

Ugh. Why bother. It's not like I'm capable of knowing what happened anyways. It's not going to happen. Nothing good ever happens…

When I got into my room, I closed the door behind me quietly and flopped down on my bed.

After a couple of minutes, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I called.

Lucy opened the door and walked in looking a bit rushed. "Suze, you have a visitor," she said.

Thinking it was one of my parents visiting I said, "Okay, let them in. Thanks." I smiled at her. She returned the smile and left, closing the door behind her.

Was my mom finally getting me out of this forsaken hole? Okay so it's not that bad, it's actually pretty nice. But c'mon, staying in a hospital for weeks? Hell no.

The door creaked open.

Yay! Home, here I come!

Unfortunately, I was wrong.

"Mom…" I started to say but drifted off when I saw holy freaking Jesse standing there, grinning at me, and holding a bouquet of carnations!

To sum it all up, I was startled, shocked, and happy. I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. He brought me carnations! Thankfully not roses because I think roses are too… hackneyed.

"Oh, it's you," I mumbled, trying to hide the fact that I was happy to see him when inside, my heart was beating rapidly.

His grin widened some more. He strode to the seat beside my bed and sat on it.

"Are you feeling better Susannah?" Jesse asked, placing the carnations on the table.

"Well let's see, I have a super big ass head ache, I have a cut that's probably as long as a hammer and I don't know how I got it. What do you think?" I asked him.

He frowned slightly but it still didn't hide the amusement in his eyes.

"I guess you are," he said and smiled. He reached for my hand and held it. "Do you know how scared I got when I found out that you were in the hospital again, querida?"

I smiled. Because finding out that he cared was really comforting. I mean it. He got scared, because of me!

"Really?" I asked, forgetting the fact that I was supposed to act tough around him.

He nodded.

"Thanks for the flowers by the way, you didn't have too…" I said, and he leaned down to kiss me. Don't get your hopes up. It was only a friendly kiss on the cheek…sadly. But kiss on cheek whatsoever, it still made me feel all warm inside.

I blushed. "Um, okay."

Jesse opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by the commotion going on outside of my room.

The door opened and revealed the one and only…Paul Slater.

Shit.

I could hear Lucy yelling down the hall. "We are only allowed to send one visitor at once, Mister!"

"Like I give a shit," Paul muttered. He glanced around the room and his gaze fell on my hand. The hand Jesse was holding.

More shit.

I quickly let go of Jesse's hand. "Hi, Paul," I greeted. Jesse's eyes were on me. I could feel them. Burning a whole through me. Searing into me. And it made me tingle inside. But confusion was included in that stare too.

Paul narrowed his eyes at me for a second then he smiled. "Hey Suze," he said, walking towards me. "You okay?"

I thought it was nice of him to ask if I was okay. But Jesse did too…so I guess that makes them pretty even in my book…NOT.

I was scared of Paul. There was an evil glint in his eyes, I saw, when he walked in but he covered it up pretty quickly.

There was something about him that just wasn't right.

And I didn't know what it was. But I was willing to find out.

One way or another.

»»»»»»»»»

I don't know what's happening…does she remember?

Damn.

De Silva must've told her everything when I visited the hospital. That son of a bitch.

No, that wasn't right. I looked at the visitors' clipboard in the front desk. Jesse got there ten minutes before me. There's NO way he could've told her everything by then.

If he keeps this up…he's going to mess up everything. Everything between Suze, him, their friends, family and me.

Could De Silva have told somebody else?

Of course he did, he would be a fool not to.

De Silva, De Silva, he shouldn't be messing with a powerful shifter.

I smirked to myself.

She won't know what will hit her. Or Jesse for that matter, the guy's crushed. His poor _querida _doesn't even REMEMBER him. She thinks that I'M her BOYFRIEND.

It was time to put my plan into action: winning her heart before De Silva does. If that doesn't work…then we'll just have to start over won't we?

I waited by Suze's locker. Today was the day she was coming back. And today was the day I was planning on starting my plan.

I gazed at the parking lot and saw Suze with her friends.

Pathetic.

They sold her to me so easily, making her believe that I was her boyfriend.

I grinned, recalling that night. The night when I had her all for myself. The night where I heard her screams…mixed with pleasure and pain. And I caused those emotions, screams…I took something of hers that she can't get back. De Silva can't do anything about it. It was gone.

But I still cared about her. I knew what I was doing.

I didn't know what got into me that night. Maybe because I was drunk.

I got myself drunk because the woman I loved picked someone else over me.

I pretended, put on a façade, making her think I was an overall good guy.

She fell for it. No sooner than later, she trusted me, trusted me with her life. But still…she still loved De Silva.

I offered to help her, help her with being a shifter, teaching her many ways to use her power…

…To lure her into a trap.

She fell for the façade. She told De Silva not to worry.

But De Silva didn't trust me and never will.

I was mad, pissed, and furious with her. I wanted to make her feel bad. I wanted to make her suffer that night.

I did what I had wanted to do with her the first time I met her. I did things to her that you can only IMAGINE doing.

I tortured her…held her captive…

And I didn't…not once…regretted what I did.

In fact I enjoyed it. Enjoyed it more than life itself.

I didn't care about what happened to her, whether she was hurt, in pain…whatever.

I just wanted to see her cry…moan…struggle, calling for her one and only Jesse. He didn't come, not at all.

When she realized no one was going to come and rescue her, she lost hope, and she stopped struggling.

And I didn't like it one bit.

I stopped what I was doing and did what I did.

Just one simple thing made her forget everything, made her lose her memory. I knew it was a risk because of her family…friends…

I needed to do it.

But all that was left to do was to have Suze not remember.

That was my purpose because if she did, she would hate me more than she hated me before. And that could cause her shifting power to…

I didn't dare think about it.

I tried to help her too, when all was over. Being the voice inside her head, the one she had been listening to all this time, making her believe that her name was Amanda. She didn't know that it was me behind it all. And I don't think she does. Not yet.

Being a shifter has a lot of advantages.

But being a shifter also, makes a lot of mistakes.

And that was a good plan…until that fucking accident. It screwed things up.

Don't look at me like that.

I'm just human okay? I'm no Mr. Perfect.

But people seem to think so, so all is good.

I shook my head.

Suze waved goodbye to her friends and she walked towards her locker. I watched her as she was walking.

God, she was beautiful…

I sighed.

She looked straight ahead and saw me.

She stopped and took a step back…shaking.

Why? I didn't know.

I walked towards her instead and clasped my hands behind my back. "Hello Suze." I said with a smile. "You're back."

She just stared at me. Her eyes. Fear was showing in them. WHY WAS SHE AFRAID OF ME DAMNIT?

I was tired of playing this game. I needed to act fast.

Wiping the smile off my face, I unclasped my hands and grabbed her wrist.

"You," I hissed, "are coming with me."

She winced. "Where are you taking me?"

I didn't answer. I just walked, holding her wrist, dragging her right behind me.

She tried to pry my hand off her wrist, but she was too weak for me.

I saw it all that night.

Everything she was hiding.

She was vulnerable.

Very vulnerable.

I smirked; once again, things were going my way.

But it wasn't at the same time because seeing her like this made me feel...guilty. I already took something of hers, something she was saving, so why hurt her more? She didn't deserve it. All these things that I have done to her were just something I wanted not needed. I didn't expect it to turn out this way. It was all a mistake and I wasn't afraid to admit it.

Yes, I'm human.

That was why I put my hatred and everything else aside, vanquishing them because I didn't want to feel that way anymore and gathered up my feelings, preparing for what was to come next.

And I knew that no matter what happens, no matter how many times I make her forget everything, Jesse was always going to be in her heart.

* * *

Please review!


	8. Sooner Or Later

**Disclaimer: **Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

Thanks for the reviews!

Anyways, I suggest you read the last chapter because I added a part in the end.

Suffice to say, I'm not very proud of this chapter. I just think this one went WAY TOO FAST. So I'll probably go back to it in the end and edit it.

* * *

Just calm down, Suze… don't panic.

Breathe in, breathe out.

He's not going to hurt you. I think. Just follow him and he won't do anything bad to you.

I know, start stalling!

I kept up with his pace but I almost lost my balance when we started walking on big rocks. Darn rocks.

His sudden stop made me trip over my own feet and almost fall flat on my face but he caught me by the shoulders. "Are you okay?" he asked.

What a guy…

First treating me like a goddess, then a complete utter shit and then back to a goddess.

How does he do it?

'Are you okay?' I mentally mocked him.

Asshole.

Why couldn't I just break up with him if he was such an asshole?

Because I was deathly afraid of him since I knew that he was capable of hurting me, even beyond physical hurt.

I shrugged, nodded and he grabbed my wrist, which was probably red and has a hand mark on it, and started to walk again.

Stall Suze! Stall! A little voice inside my head said, well more like chanted.

I looked down trying to ignore it, staring at the ground instead. Then I noticed his feet, trying not to trip, I squinted down at it to see if my guess was right.

Paul had big feet. At least ten inches…

I tried to hold back a laugh because the thought of the theory about feet and… appendages were slightly amusing.

I cleared my throat. "So um Paul, is that theory true?" I tried to say gravely.

He focused on the path ahead. After five seconds, he stopped. He turned to me, still holding on to my wrist, and said, "What theory?"

Stupid me, I broke down and started laughing.

Paul looked at me all funny, confusion etched on his face. There's something to say about hot guys having no clue what you're talking or laughing about because it feels as if you're the one in CONTROL, which I have not felt for a long time. Because to me, it felt like I was NOT the one controlling MY OWN LIFE and that somebody else was, sucking the power and life out of me, just giving me directions on what to do.

Paul glared at me and growled.

"Okay, jeez, I'll stop," I smirked and he frowned.

He tightened his grip some more. I swear if he kept up with this, he was going to get some big whooping in the end because my wrist felt as if it was about to fall off.

I rolled my eyes at him and he frowned some more.

"Where are we going anyways?" I asked him while we were walking. "This path leads to the graveyard, I know that. But why are we going to the graveyard?"

Paul smiled a little, "For privacy," and that little smile turned to an evocative smirk.

Why that little bugger.

After a long, because I was always tripping over my own feet, five minutes, he stopped. Well, me being a klutz, I didn't know he stopped and bumped into his back and made a strangled sound. He let go of my wrist. I stared down at the red hand mark wrapped around it and I looked up.

He flinched as he stared at what he had done. "I'm sorry, Suze."

I shrugged, because I didn't mind the pain so much anymore. "It's just going to be bruised. What are you sorry for?"

"No," he said, locking his eyes with mine. "No, Suze. I'm sorry for everything." He backed away from me and started walking back and forth. He was deep in thought.

Why was he acting so weird?

I cleared my throat. "Um, hate to break it to you but you haven't done anything bad to me except drag me down here in a freaking cemetery."

He stopped and stared at me. "You don't get it do you Suze?"

I wrapped my arms around myself. His gaze was sending chills up my spine and it was getting cold. "Get what?"

Paul sighed. "You'll forever hate me for this. But I think you have the right to know… I can't watch you get hurt anymore, by me." He took my hand. "Suze, I think it's time you should know the truth."

"Paul, what are you talking about? You're scaring m―"

He cut me off. "Will you shut up for a minute? I HAVE TO TELL YOU…" he drifted off.

"Tell me what?"

He gripped my hand. "I'm the one who…"

"You're the one who what?" I asked, my voice getting higher. Suddenly, I didn't feel so good anymore because I think I know where this was going. And it wasn't good.

Paul looked around as if to make sure no one was there watching us.

"It's okay if you hate me after this, I deserve it…," he started, "but first, I gotta tell you. I didn't intend for you to lose everything. What I wanted was to erase that memory of me…hurting you. That was it. But something happened. I don't know what and it caused you to lose everything. After I found out what had happened, my intentions became more…harsher. I just wanted you Suze. I tried to help you. I brought you to the hospital. That's why I gave you to them under a false name because I didn't want anyone to find out yet."

"But De Silva caught up with me right when I stepped out of the hospital and beat the shit out of me. I got so pissed at him for not letting me explain, and I forgot all about you. Everyone was all asking me questions of what had happened; I couldn't answer them because if I did, I had to tell them the truth. The only ones who knew were Jesse, Juliana and Father Dominic because they found out through Jesse. I didn't know how they handled it but suddenly, everyone started calling you Amanda because that was who you thought you were. Everyone else had to pretend to be someone else for the better. I couldn't show my face to you back then either because I thought it had come back to you all of a sudden and you'd accuse me. And then you got hit by a car and lost your memory the second time. I didn't know what to do next, I couldn't help. I asked Juliana but she hated me. She didn't dare speak to me."

I just stood there listening to him, because I didn't know what he was talking about.

"Suze, when you came back, I couldn't help but see the empty look in your eyes, it hurts to se you like this, not knowing anything. And it was entirely my fault. At first I didn't mind, because I knew you wouldn't remember just yet. Then, I had suspicions that you were starting to remember and you were probably plotting something against me," he shrugged. "I guess my feelings got in the way because no matter how much I wanted to hurt you for choosing Jesse, I still cared about you. That's why I'm telling you this right now. And I'm hoping that when you remember, you'll forgive me. It doesn't have to be now but I just wanted to know that you'll forgive me." He caressed my hand. "Suze?"

I couldn't answer, I was stunned.

I felt so dizzy, wanting to throw up because I couldn't take it all in.

Paul held me by the shoulders and pulled me close. Someone sniffed and I knew it wasn't me. I realized that Paul was crying.

"Please Suze; just tell me you're going to forgive me someday."

I nodded, still not knowing what he meant because I just wanted to collapse.

Next thing I knew, Paul's warm lips were on my cold ones and he was kissing me. I whimpered from the sudden contact. He broke off the kiss after a few seconds, letting go of me and looked at me intently.

Seeing the sincere look in his eyes, I finally understood what he had meant.

He was the one who had caused my screwed up life.

He was the one who had caused me to forget everything and every one in my life.

He was the one who had caused me to lose the ones I love.

But no matter how much I wanted to hate him, I couldn't. Because he had helped me, he had admitted he made a mistake and knowing him, it wasn't easy.

And now what I wanted was to be there for him, Paul, I mean. Tell him that it was okay, that it wasn't his fault. That I understood what he did what he did but at the same time, I didn't.

All I knew was that after all this was done, after Paul tells me everything from start to finish, I wanted to be with Jesse. I've been longing for his touch far too long, I wanted to kiss him, hug him and tell him that I love him.

How do I know?

Because I finally remember, remember everything. All it took was one last kiss to bid goodbye because both he and I knew that after all this, our friendship was done, we both weren't anything anymore.

I wanted to ask him some more questions except, my knees went weak, and I collapsed on the ground. My eyes were closing in lethargy and I succumbed into a deep sleep; only hearing Paul and another female voice, sounding very much like Juliana, calling for me.

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Please review! 


	9. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer: **Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

I haven't updated in a long time so I won't be surprised if this story's already forgotten and don't get any reviews. I'm just going to persevere through this and finish it, even if I don't remember most of the plot. Ha-ha. We'll see.

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Maybe I'm the only shifter in the world this happens to. You know, like every time you pass out, you end up in Shadowland. Well, for me I do… End up in Shadowland… Most of the time... When something's really troubling me... And there is. Something troubling me, I mean. I can't even form coherent sentences without my head feeling like it's going to explode. Gosh. My head hurt. Did I bonk my head or something again?

No.

Maybe it was because I just found out something that was too much to take in and process?

Yes.

My heart started beating rapidly as memories played back in my head. My hand flew to my heart all of a sudden, as if it was going to prevent my heart from exploding through my chest. There was Jesse… Father D… my mom… my dad… Andy… my stepbrothers… Juliana… people from my school… Gina… CeeCee… Adam… and… a–and… Paul.

The hand that was against my heart started getting clammy. This happens when I'm nervous or scared shitless. And right now, I was both. Nervous and scared shitless.

I just found out that Paul almost tried to off me just because I ended up with Jesse. Who does that to a girl he 'supposedly' loved? I knew Paul was sincere about his apology, which was why I wasn't going to give him a hard time about it.

I was going to forgive and forget.

A hard task for a Simon to do… but… I really just wanted to forget the past and move on. The past was too painful for me. People whom I thought I could trust… they took advantage of me. They made me think I was someone else, someone who didn't exist. They gave me this whole…new identity. That was why I never felt like myself…because it wasn't ME. And I just didn't want to go through that again.

Paul's words kept on replaying in my head. It wouldn't stop. It wanted me to remember. It wanted the words to be engraved in my mind so that I wouldn't forget and make the same mistake again.

_It was my entire fault…_

My hand reached for a doorknob, and I hoisted myself up. I winced, not because my legs hurt or anything, it was because my head did… it hurt like a bitch.

Suddenly, everything just came crashing down again. I finally remembered, and I didn't know what to feel. A part of me was happy, because then, I didn't have to pretend, I could be myself again. But I knew it wasn't going to work out…because after all this it wasn't going to be the same. I mean, I'm not a virgin anymore, I probably screwed up my relationship with Jesse…yeah, that's the sad part of me, the cons of getting my memory back. Though…I didn't care about the pros and cons, I just wanted answers to get this whole thing done and over with.

So I did what I had to do. I shifted back to the cemetery even if I had the biggest shifting headache ever.

When I knew that I made it safely back to the cemetery, I couldn't get over how NOISY it was. What was happening? Who were these people shouting at each other?

Alas, when I slowly opened my eyes, I figured who they were. They suddenly stopped their bickering, looked at my finally conscious body and ran to my side.

It was Paul and Juliana. Go figure.

Juliana was the first one to speak. She brushed the hair away from my eyes, all motherly, and asked, in a concerned voice, "Susannah, what happened?" She took my hand and relief flooded through her face. I wonder why… Did I look dead when I was unconscious? Well I probably did since unconscious people DO look dead sometimes and… okay, shutting up now.

Paul rolled her eyes and said in a concerned-but-kind-of-bored voice, "Juliana, don't you think we shouldn't ask her questions just yet and TAKE her to Father D?" That sounded like a good idea.

Juliana glared at him.

I couldn't utter a word; I don't know what's wrong with me. It seemed like I lost my voice, but I knew I didn't because there was something in me that just wanted to scream.

I just stared at them both, wide-eyed.

I sighed inwardly.

I closed my eyes again and breathed heavily.

"Susannah! Susannah!" Juliana shrieked. "We're losing her again! Paul, what should we do?" She took my wrist to feel its pulse. "She's still alive. But what's wrong with her? Why did she close her eyes!"

Paul, I knew, just rolled his eyes. "She's getting sick of your constant worrying and bickering." I don't know how Juliana reacted to his but Paul suddenly said, "Relax…she's just resting." Paul took my hand in his, and the warmth from it comforted me.

I opened my eyes again, only to find them hovering over me. They were clearly watching my face for some kind of reaction or something. I sat up and looked at both of them. "Hi," I said, my mouth felt dry.

Paul seeing that I was okay, said, "Okay, let's go to Father D now."

Juliana just nodded, smiled at me and dematerialized.

Paul stood up to help me stand up. He picked me up and started to carry me to the office. I looked at face and saw that it was etched with worry. He looked my way and his eyes told me he was sorry. I smiled at him to let him know everything was going to be okay, that I've forgiven him. He smiled back and sighed with relief, a comfortable silence taking over the awkward one.

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After Paul told Father D the story ―which I completely tuned out because I didn't want to hear it again. Hearing it once was good enough for me―, Father D gave this REALLY long pep talk about abstinence, no pun intended.

I knew Juliana didn't listen much either to Father D's pep talk, because I saw her rolling her eyes at about it. Father D stopped talking because Juliana had interrupted him.

"Dominic, do you know what caused Susannah to gain her memory back?" she asked.

"I―" Father D started to say but Paul interrupted him again. "I think I have the answer to this Father D. It might be in one of my grandfather's books about Shifting…the ones I…uh, used," he said.

Father D beamed at Paul. "Excellent!" he exclaimed, clasping his hands together. "Would you kindly get it for us Paul?"

Paul nodded and stood up to shift. "I'll be back in a moment," he said and shifted to Dr. Slaski's house.

That moment took about…half an hour, I think, and he still wasn't back. Psh. What was taking Paul so long? All Father D, Juliana, and I did was eye each other across the room, not wanting to say anything.

I just kept to myself and didn't say a word. There was no point. Besides, what WAS there left to talk about?

In the corner of my eye, I saw Juliana mouth, 'TALK', to Father D. In response to this, Father D shook his head. Juliana glared at him.

They made a pretty cute couple. You could see the real chemistry between them…and it was so touching. Even if they weren't together…you could tell they were still deeply in love with one another. This made me wonder what caused the big gap between their relationship and whether this might happen with me and Jesse…

Jesse. Shit.

I completely forgot about him! Father D and Juliana must've caught my stunned expression since they asked in unison, "What's wrong, Susannah?"

"Jesse," I whispered. I looked at both of them. "Where's Jesse?" I asked. I wanted to see him… no, I NEEDED to see him. I needed him to be with me… to hold me… I needed him with me; it's been long… too long. I couldn't live a minute longer without him.

I shook my head as I realized who Father D and Juliana were talking about before. Hector. It was Jesse. He… he thought I wanted to be with Paul. I need to tell Jesse that it's him who I wanted to be with…before it was too late.

Juliana smiled at me kindly. I smiled back and Father D said, "I think he's back at his apartment but―"

I didn't wait for Father D to finish his sentence, I ran out of the office as fast as I could. I heard Father D call for me, "Susannah! Wait! Don't you want to know what caused it? PAUL WILL BE BACK ANY MINUTE WITH THE EXPLANATION!"

I smirked. I didn't care. The explanation, whatever, can wait. Because my heart couldn't wait any longer, it was yearning for Jesse. And that's what it's going to get.

Jesse.

Once and for all.

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Finally. I got this off my chest. It took me so long to write this chapter (and some procrastination in my part. Sshh!). But finally, it's out. I have the next chapter all outlined and stuff, probably a couple more chapters to go and I'll be done with this. D

Once again, I am very very sorry for the long wait. Please make me happy and review! Since you know, I stayed up until 1AM to finish this –grins-. Haha.

Love, Claudine


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